Google could be a lot nicer than some people.

I googled “ I want to suicide” two days ago and alot of letters & support pages showed up. I read a few of them, they were nice but not enough convincing. I did not want to suicide from the first place, I don’t even know why I wrote this sentence, I kinda felt it that’s all.

It’s almost 3 weeks now since the only thing I was madly passionate about was taken away from me. I’m tring to get over it, continue with my life; but I’m paralyzed. See I usually don’t give up easily or run away from my own problems but this time running away feels so tempting, yet, not comfortable. I’m dying from the inside, my mind is about to explode.

And .. I feel so lonely.

I have been judged by people so much these days and since I’m already in pain I have no power to avoid their judgments so now I feel torn apart.

From a person who doesn’t give a shit about what people think of, not afraid of showing her own insecurities to a person cries to herself under the blanket so she could fall asleep. To a person deactivated all her social media accounts just to avoid people.

Everyday I wake up, hoping to feel a little bit better but the day turns into a struggle. I even started to hate myself, the new, hopeless, quitter version of me.

Do you want to know what’s harder than losing people? Losing yourself.

To be continued …