[Inspired by the Iron Maiden song of the same name: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szt60RlgcL4]

Ingredients:

5 lbs boneless chuck roast
2 lbs ground pork
24 oz beef stock
32 oz beef broth
48 oz chicken broth
2 Pabst Blue Ribbon beers, or other malty beer
5 large poblano chiles, should equal one pound [Note: poblanos are sometimes sold as “pasilla” chiles]
5 habaneros
4 large sprigs of rosemary
8 bay leaves
2 28 oz cans of diced tomatoes
7 oz can chipotles en adobo
3 large white onions
2 heads garlic
8 oz white mushrooms
1/4 cup tamari (soy sauce is fine)
2 tsbp pomegranate molasses
3 tbsp coconut oil
3 tbsp chili powder
2 tbsp cumin
1 tbsp cayenne
2 tsp black pepper
2 tsp white pepper
1 tsp mace
1 tsp cardamom
2 tsp coffee crystals
2 tsp cocoa
2 oz whiskey
2 tbsp nước mắm
1 tsp sesame oil
half stick of butter
3 tbsp white flour
2 tbsp maseca
Tapatio
Sriracha
cheddar cheese
basmati rice
sour cream
Salt to taste

Preparation:

1. Cut beef into 2.5 inch cubes. Remove silverskin from outside of roast, if present. I usually put the excess fat into the pot and render it down while preparing the meat and other ingredients.

2. Combine broth, stock, and beer in a pot. Bring to a boil, set to simmer.

3. Cut poblanos into 1 inch squares. Put on a cookie sheet with mushrooms (on different sides) and broil until nearly burned.

4. Add mushrooms to food processor along with the sesame oil, chipotles (and all the sauce), a bit of the broth, and half the tamari. Blend until smooth.

5. Add coconut oil to a large cast iron pan, brown beef on high. You’re basically frying the outside. The meat should be dark brown and crispy on the outside when done.

6. As you finish each batch of meat, add it to a large casserole dish or large roasting pan. Add some of the boiling broth to keep the meat hot every time you finish a new batch of meat.

7. Once all the meat is finished, add the blended ingredients, all of the dry seasonings, and enough broth to nearly cover the meat. Mix around a bit, then add the bay leaves to the corner of the pan. Add the rosemary sprigs to the other corner, submerged. You’re going to have to remove these later, so remember where they are. Cook for 90 minutes, or until fork-tender. Add more broth as it evaporates.

8. Peel the garlic, and de-stem the habaneros. Add to the food processor with the half stick of butter (you may want to warm it up first) and blend until very smooth. Add to pan used to cook the meat and cook on low for five minutes. Be very careful not to scorch the pan, or your kitchen will be uninhabitable.

9. Rough cut two onions, and cook on low for 20 minutes, stirring often.

10. In a large pot, brown the ground pork, seasoning with salt and pepper. Once browned, add a few cups of the boiling broth. Slowly add the tomatoes, being careful to keep temperature from going to low.

11. Once the pork and tomato mixture is simmering, pour the remaining tamari and whiskey into the onion mixture. Stir well over high heat, then add to the large pot. The tamari and whiskey should leave behind a nearly-clean pan. Add some Tapatio and Sriracha. If you don’t like very spicy food, don’t add until the chili is done.

12. When meat is done, remove from pan and add to pot. Be sure to remove the bay leaves and rosemary before doing so. Scrape off all the flavors from the pan into the pot.

13. Cook on 350 for three hours. Add the fish sauce and any remaining broth, stir well. Check taste, add more salt if needed. Put in the oven at 350 for three hours.

14. After three hours there should be accumulated fat on top of the chili. Remove from oven and carefully skim off six tablespoons into a wide, shallow pan. Be careful not to get anything but fat into the pan.

15. Gently warm the oil, then add the flour to make a roux. Be careful about heat, you want to cook the flour to avoid the awful raw flavor, but don’t get it too hot. Scorching the pan at this point will also release horrible, eye-burning smoke into your kitchen.

16. Once the roux is about ready, take off of heat. 30 seconds later, ladle in several scoops of chili into the pan with one hand, while mixing the chili and the roux with the other. If the roux is too hot at this point chili will splatter everywhere.

17. Once the chili has been mixed into the roux, pour the entire contents back into the large pot. Be sure to get every last drop into the pot.

18. Add the corn meal and mix it all together.

19. Return to the oven for an additional 30 minutes.

The chili is done at this point, but I prefer to let it sit in the fridge overnight. Use a low burner setting on the stove when reheating, or the oven. It’s easy for the chili to stick to the bottom of the pan and burn.

Serve with a dollop of sour cream, a bit of cheddar cheese, diced white onions, and a side of jasmine rice.

Makes over 9,000 servings.