Dates & Dream Logic

I was on a date and we were just chatting about normal stuff then all of a sudden I’m like:

Met her one night beneath the stars. We were together for five years. Then one day she wasn’t there.
It left a tiny scar.
Distance keeping her unseen. Our bond only survived a year. 7 hours apart by air.
It left a tiny scar.
Won her in a game of poker. Then the doubt won me over. Till the love just wasn’t there. It left a tiny scar.
I was tired and she was bright. Family kept her from the night. It was a secret affair. It left a tiny scar.
Overnight I became everything. Overnight I was nothing. Fearful and sleepless there. It left a tiny scar.
The stars moved on their own. Completely lost, alone. My mind it wasn’t there. It left a tiny scar.
You are not alone in this. Then a weapon of a kiss.
An echo of light without a care. It left a tiny scar.
We were making plans, we made plenty actually. Then it was all over, it was all too far. It left a tiny scar.

The girl I was with was all like:
“Okay buddy, I think you have a lot you still need to process about your past, are you sure you are ready to be dating?”

Ready? I have just had my heart obliterated mere weeks ago, let me see if I can explain:

I started reading that book,
The one I was telling you about?
I started writing a book
No, that one is completely sold out.
Can I buy it online?
Maybe.
Let’s see
Second hand.. hmmm, expensive
Unofficial pdf.. I don’t know if this copy is complete.
How do you become complete?
I broke up with..
Guess what, We just got engaged!
When?
2 years ago…
Oh,
So it’s finished?
Yeah I guess so.
Where’s the rest?
I’m just trying my best.
Here.
Just stay here, with the other humans
just taking a few extra breaths.
I started reading that book,
The one I was telling you about?
Yeah.
And I started writing a book.
One that will completely sell out.

That tiny scar never seemed to heal in the weeks that followed, it seemed an impossible injury to bear.

There are many other things in life that seem impossible at first, and yet we experience them and try and continue none the less.

I took a break from all the dates and tried to explain where I was at with a close friend over a drink.

“Yeah man, one of my many favourite books is about the Diamond Sutra from Buddhism. The tagline is: Describing the indescribable. I have had a few things happen I would call inexplicable experiences.
Here, let me see if I can sum it up for you.
They called me psychotic because I got a bit too wrapped up in dream logic.

My friend says:
Dream logic? What kind of logic is that?

Well this might sound like something that didn’t happen, but it definitely did. I was on a first date with someone who just happened to turn out to be a powerful witch. At one point in the evening, she conjured the faces of past lovers from her own face in the shadows. I spoke to her/them and the conversations were just so wild.

My friend turns to me:
“THAT right there sounds like the beginning of an episode man!”

There were some red flags at some stage early on, clearly.

If you called her right now to clarify if she was indeed a powerful witch what would you say?

Yeah she would say she wasn’t too sure what I felt was happening was really happening.

It must have started then, at the end of that date. That’s when I started making sense of things with dream logic.

Dream logic.
Nothing is truly what it seems-type- logic.
Navigate with the map of your twisted internal, boom bap.
Tell yourself you don’t need the time anymore, wear your watch in reverse, refuse to look at it even once. At some point, somehow more than a day later, in early morning. Just discard your watch on a park bench, thinking only of the poem you once wrote about a running through a park during a storm in for any kind of reference.
Dream logic.
Errors of cognition Err-Err-Errors of cognition
Err-err- Errors of cognition placing you in a place of total confusion
Dream Logic, wrapping up your whole brain in days that all look the same. There’s no escaping home in an Uber, taxi or simply viewing google maps. Because you left your phone as some kind of strange symbolic gift, at the doorstep you thought made the most sense.

Dream Logic.
Back in 2012 this dream logic hit me so damn hard. I was so lonely I was convinced I could literally move the stars. There I was, standing in the dead of night on an empty street. Looking way-way up, at pin points of lights I felt I could move, many hours of dream- logic waiting at my feet.

There were the two weeks I spent in one hospital, fighting every doubt, misheard loud noise or misconception I’ve ever had. Fighting them off in 3d, or maybe it was 4 or 5D, I remember laying on the floor. They called me psychotic, blamed it on a lack of sleep and meds. I swore I’d seen a hundred different timelines. All kill or be killed, where I’ve bled. Where do I even begin.

The main thing is, there are just some pretty wild places that I have somehow been. It happens when I’ve opened myself up spiritually to all that is. It is spontaneous and inconvenient since It can mean weeks-on-end in hospital instead of work.
Where on earth was I, who did I speak to? Who met me that warm spring night? As I walked through thoughts, memories and alternate dimensions. I honestly felt I was in some separate place to here, some merged location and timeline all its own.

At one point I felt I was walking on the sun. I was literally holding it down. I personally with some kind of guidance, was bringing it into equilibrium right when it needed to be calmed as I tapped music into the night on my legs like a drum.

I felt I was not alone at all, while totally and utterly alone in my experience at the same time.

I was utterly alone after an almost 6 year relationship ended abruptly and with very limited communication. It’s enough to spin you out into days and nights of dream logic.

Dare to dream that you can get engaged. That you can plan a whole life with someone. Dare to dream that you are being honest, that their dark shadows are unexplainable, not simply explained with some terrible truth.

Who met me that night? As I picked flowers for an unknown someone.

As I picked pieces of branding from the earth and placed them in their own small garden in a shopping trolley. As I dance-walked into an oblivion of lost days.

I walked through a universe where cities from different continents were merged somehow, timelines crossed over, the face of strangers holding the face of friends in their glow. There was so much I felt I knew, yet so much I did not know.

I danced with the songs of ancestors. I am pretty sure I went walkabout. I explored and cleared the karma and past lives many years gone. At one point while walking the city streets I could sense the past lives karma of everyone around me and felt intense pain in my limbs guiding me in one direction or another.

I felt a rush of needles leaving my body at one point. Like a purging of vaccinations and medicine. A purging of mistakes and missteps. a bloodletting and resetting as far as I was willing to travel.

I walked sunburnt and in need of water through shopping malls. I explored the garage of a strangers’ house more than once, not knowing any better at the time. I was lost, again and again, in space and time. I discarded some shoes, collected others, I eventually made it home without my phone, wallet, or keys, but wearing a strangers’ pants, thongs and jumper.

I got home in a taxi I had no way of paying for, but a housemate was able to as I arrived. I was totally lost, I had no clue where I was or when I should have been asleep, my medication forgotten about. I would soon be in hospital, stuck there in limbo for over a month.

Can’t take me to the hospital, it’s not over. Don’t listen to you, since I think you’re the death mother. Wear me out, Wear me down. Where I am, cannot be found.

Can we listen to our madness?