You see what they didn’t know and what I would never tell them is that for one moment when I died, I was at peace. In the three years before the births of my children, I had lost the entirety of my family except for my brother. Grief and anger were the only two emotions I had room to feel. When I died, those few minutes where I was neither here nor there, I was the happiest I had felt in years. I wanted it back.