The Food Is Poisoned

That food is poisoned. All the food at this restaurant is poisoned. Don’t think its not. It is. Why do you think I’ve lost so much weight? All the food is poisoned. Not just here, everywhere. All the food, everywhere, its poisoned. I can’t eat anything.

I can drink that water though. Its not poisoned. You can drink the water. I’m not really sure about those crackers in the little packages. They might not be. I haven’t really decided if I want to take the chance though. I’ve risked it with packaged food. But I don’t eat all of it. Small doses, you know? You can go ahead and eat them if you really want to risk it. But I’m pretty sure I advise against.

How do I know?

It came to me one night. You think visions don’t happen? They do. Why do you think the word even exists? Visions? Because they happen. And it happened to me once. I had a vision. Or something like that.

It came to me after I watched this movie. I guess it was two or three months ago. I was sitting on the couch. The right side of the couch, the side that had the shape of my enormous backside memorized. I can’t even sit on that side of the couch anymore, it makes me feel like I’m crawling back in a cocoon. I shed that skin, you know?

But the movie. It was about this woman. This huge whale of a woman. And her husband was cheating on her with this twig of a woman. Real knockout. But the husband, he didn’t want to go through a divorce because that was too messy. So he decided he should just kill his wife. I know, right? Cause that’s not messy or anything. But he kills her by poisoning her food. His and her poison of choice or some ironic crap like that. I turned it off before the end. I couldn’t watch it. That fat, thing of a woman was me. I just couldn’t watch anymore.

So that night, I had this dream. I was sitting at this table, surrounded by darkness with a single light bulb floating overhead. And in the center of the table there was this huge chocolate cake, four layer, cream cheese chocolate frosting, moist as anything. So good. I would give my left ear for a slice of that cake. I can’t really hear all that well out of my left ear anyway, since I was a kid. But so the cake. I started eating it. Just scooping in with my bare hands like a child on its first birthday. And then halfway through I realized it was poisoned. You know that just knowing thing that happens in dreams? It was that kind of thing. I just knew. But I couldn’t stop eating it. My head was screaming stop! But I just kept shoveling the poisoned cake in my big gaping hole of a mouth until it was all gone. And I could feel the poison spreading through my body. Just spreading through my whole body. And then a flash! And I was on the ground dead. On my back, fat lips ringed with chocolate icing, eyes wide open in terror. Dead terror, you know?

And then I woke up. And I was drenched in sweat. My hair was soaked at the scalp and I could feel all the folds and creases of my skin all lubed up from the sweat. Just really gross. So I peel myself from the bed and walk to the bathroom to rinse my face with cold water. I cupped my hands under the faucet, and right before I was about to cover my face in the cold water, I caught my own eyes in the reflection of the mirror over the sink. I remember this detail because it caught me off guard. Because it wasn’t like I caught the reflection of my eyes. It was like the reflection of my eyes were trying to catch the very thing they are supposed to just be a reflection of. My very own reflection was trying desperately to get my attention, to tell me something. And I sat there, staring at the reflection of my eyes. And there it was. The vision.

The epiphany.

The food is poisoned.

But I haven’t told anyone until now. Before it was something I just kept to myself. Almost in the back of my head in a weird way. Like I couldn’t admit to myself what I knew. But now I know I know. And I wanted to tell you.

The food is poisoned.