Back to Columbus
So I have been back to Columbus for almost a week now. Things are moving at a really fast pace. Recruiting season is coming up and that means a lot of preparation while I’m not even ready at all. The bright side of being back amongst friends is I miss California less. The first day being back was awful. I kept thinking about Foster City and the weather there, not to mention the lagoon that I often spent time trolling around every weekend. But my emotion is getting better and I hope if one day I learn that I can't come back, I can grapple with it.
My mind is still bothered by the most annoying couple of the world. Every single time I think about them, I am upset, like terribly in a bad mood. I feel insecure, betrayed and lost faith in fairness. Not that I want me to be in her place, I just feel it's so unfair for me to work my ass off to have my American dream realized while all she has to do is to sign up for a marriage (I hope it will turn sour down the road because the decision was made in such a rush). My bf keeps saying that I should focus on myself, what I have achieved so far and I should be proud of myself for going this far from Vietnam to Columbus and then from Columbus to the desirable West Coast. But I can't take his advice. I just can't get rid of the thought that someone else is living my dream without putting in any effort and just out of sheer damn luck.
Talking about the upcoming recruiting season, it is very intimidating. I put on my “can-do” attitude but on the inside, I feel most uncertain and doubted. It took me 6 months of pain, disappointment, heart break to have 3 internship offers. Yes, it is just for internship, not full time. I don't know how long it is gonna take me to aim for something bigger. But what I am worried now is my mind is full of distraction. I am mortified that even with such pressure of finding full time on my shoulder, I still devote some time to follow his FB and get some sneaks on his pathetic life with the ugliest girlfriend ever. Shame on me!
Anyway, job-wise, it's time to focus. Stop wandering thoughts! Its time to roll up my sleeves.
