I Was Jealous of People…

I had a feeling, or emotion, that been going around for a long time: jealousy.

I was jealous of people with siblings who have short differential age. I was jealous of people that are close with their parents. I was jealous of people that have so many friends until they lost count.

I’m not saying that I wasn’t close with my sister nor my parents. I’m not saying that I don’t have friends. I’m saying that I’m just jealous of people.

My sister is 6 years older than me. When I was in elementary, she was in senior high. When I was in junior high, she went to college. I went to college, she graduated, and got married. The next year, I’ve got news from Mom that she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

When I heard that news, I realized that she got her own family now. No more time for games like in the old times.

My parents know for sure about my life, but not my personal life. The kind of personal that it’s buried deep in my secrets. Just to make sure they don’t get hurt of what I’ve done in the past.

Once, a wise, young-ish man said to me that I shouldn’t compare my life to others. It’s pointless, because I am me and they are them. Our lives are basically different. “So, don’t hurt yourself. Let your loved ones do it to you,” he continued.

I remember about a scene in Interstellar (2014) when Cooper and Brand tried to detach the shuttles using Gargantua’s gravitation force for getting a “sling-shot” to planet Edmund. Brand thought they both going to Edmund, but Cooper said, “We agreed, Amelia. 90 %.”

TARS said that absolute honesty isn’t always the most diplomatic nor the safest form of communication with emotional beings. I kinda agree to that notion.

I always do that 90 % honesty. Works for me, win-win solution. But it changed in last month.

Because in last month, Dad and Mom brought us to their hometown to see their families. It was lovely and all, just not so much to me at least. For the first time, they talked about their families, stories on an in-depth conversations. I was surprised, of course, and we REALLY talked to each others. It was both refreshing, and kinda relieving something in my mind.

That was my absolute honesty.

I think that honesty really does matter when it comes to maintain a good relationship with anyone whom you love. The percentage of it also does matter. So, choose it wisely.

Now my jealousy to people is not going around anymore.

Only now it towards to men with girlfriends. But that’s entirely different story for another time.