Embracing No Control

I hate challenges. However, I’ve been bogged down by many challenges as of late. Most of which I have no control over.

A death in the family.

Financial debt.

Adulthood.

Putting on contact lenses in the morning…Just to name a few.

But I wanted to take on a challenge that I feel like I have some control over. Something that will make me grow in a part of my life that I’ve definitely stopped cultivating. 
As a photographer, I try to take photos as much as I can, in every medium I can have my hands on. I ask friends if I can take their photos, I scour the Internet to look for gigs (paid and unpaid) just so I have something to show down the road to a company or an agency.

However, cultivating my passion as a writer…not so much. Most of my writing has primarily been focused on signing documents, writing tweets, copy/pasting quotes to put on Facebook articles..you get the gist of it. There is a struggle in cultivating your passions as you get older. Life suddenly becomes more routine, to the point that it’s hard to fit in spontaneity into your 5:30am — 10pm weekday. Weekends become days to recharge and relax, but the days of having a set “creativity hour” becomes harder & harder to put in our carefully curated schedules.

Just rereading that makes me feel like I’ve let down my 8th grade self who dreamed of writing what’s relevant & something to pass down to my imaginary children & grandchildren (more on that later). I can blame a lot of things, I can blame a lot of people. I cam also blame all of the negative circumstances that I’ve experienced last year, and even a couple weeks ago.

But I refuse to let life be a scapegoat to my goals. I refuse to let the things that I have no control over, control me.

It’s not a sudden revelation, but rather a small step towards a bigger and grander goal. This writing challenge is not just to cultivate a habit, it’s also to hopefully cultivate a better way of thinking. A more positive way of thinking that I honestly have not had in a very…very long time. I have looked back on the days leading up to me taking on this challenge, and in all honesty I’ve been on autopilot. Think of it like one of these scenes from a futuristic, post-apocalyptic era that just had/consists of a list of things to get through the day.

I really don’t want to just get through the day. If I’ve learned anything from my Mom’s death is that life isn’t supposed to be on autopilot. Life is finding something to keep you alive every day, even if it’s something small as walking to the beach or sitting after a long day.

Or writing 500 words a day for 31 Days.

A lot can happen in a month, a lot of growing too. I’m hoping that by writing about it I can show myself and everyone who reads this that this habit can be worth so much more.

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