His Compassions

I got saved my freshman year of college.

That term “got saved” was pretty much a joke to me during all of high school. It’s what the super Jesus Freaks said when they referred to “their kind of Christianity.” I didn’t need that, I believed. I believed that I didn’t need that much of God. I was a good person. And I had great morals, sometimes, and God was mostly a man somewhere up in the sky who was most likely shaking His finger at me, acting as a babysitter of sorts. I conformed really well with the whole “Bible-Belt” idea that plagues the South and waters down Christianity. The idea of being religious seemed pretty ok at best, but on a normal day it looked really exhausting to me. I didn’t care enough to read my bible, and the “love” I had for God was just a label and sooooo NOT sincere. I loved clothes and good music and trashy TVshows — not God.

I mostly loved myself like ALOT, and if I ever loved other people, it usually stemmed from selfish motivations. If I wanted to be nice or polite to people, it was so they would think I was nice and polite. If I wanted to serve people who had less than me, it was to clear my conscience and make me feel like more of a humanitarian in order to be admired by others. If loving my family and friends were an option, I opted out and expected to be doted on and served often by them. I had a smiling face, an expansive wardrobe, and a very very sad heart for those four years of high school.

I never wanted to believe I was imperfect, so the idea of needing a savior never really took up too much residence in my brain. Nevertheless, I swore I was a Christian. I swore I was a goody-two-shoes. But my heart was so far from God. My heart was empty and had no place to rest; it had no real place to put hope and it was a dark, dark mass full of selfishness, lust, and greed. The cross Jesus died on was merely a symbol to flash around and if I ever cried out in prayer, it was out of complete desperation when I had no other vice.

BUT GOD

Long long long ago, before the creation of the Universe, God had me in mind. He made me in my mother’s womb, knowing every hair on my head. He named me His before I was ever born. From the day I took my first breath, I was subject to Him, because he is God. When my heart was far, He knew that in October of 2012, it would be brought near. All of those years of my back turned from Him, and He knew soon I would face Him and behold the glory that is in salvation. My God, my Abba Father, He LOVED me, when I didn’t even know who He truly was. And then He saved me from eternal separation from Himself by opening my heart to the person of Jesus.

So I got saved. What is that though? I wrestled with the idea for a while.

God made everything to be subject to Himself, because He is GOD. And we never wanted any of it. We never wanted to bow in submission to anything but our own self wills. So God, in His great mercy, provided a substitute to recieve His wrath. The perfect sacrifice. God placed all of his very just, very righteous anger on the one perfect man who ever walked Earth — His son Christ Jesus. Jesus died. On the cross. Willingly. Like the story you hear about around Easter time. And instead of lying dead in a tomb forever, Jesus rose, defeating death. He overcame what should have separated Him from His Father forever. God’s love was greater than death. And the promise is, that anyone who would make Jesus Lord of their life can live with Him forever — escaping death and damnation. The fire and brimstone kind of stuff that your pastor didn’t lie about. The punishment of sin is DEATH, and God gave a way out. Trusting and believing in His Son and making Him the only Lord of your life.

So God pursued my heart, and showed it that it needed to be saved because it was no good on its own.

“Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail,” the prophet Jeremiah wrote sometime around 585 BC.

His compassions NEVER fail.

I was scared that they would once I first started walking with Jesus.

That one day I would wake up and surely He’d move on from such a faithless servant. That He’d get tired of my committing and then recommitting to love Him first and trust Him most. But He has great love. Great love that saved me. Great love that never runs dry. And more than that too. Great love that molds me into more of the likeness of Jesus Himself. So that I will walk with Him and listen to Him and “go” where He says “go” and “do” what He says “do”.

The God of my religion wants more than for me to be good. He wants my whole stinkin’ heart to love and submit to Him. He wants me to have faith and He wants me to believe that what He’s outlined in scripture is TRUE and GOOD and PROFITABLE for me and my life.