Hygge, a Danish word pronounced as hooga literally means to cozy around together. Apparently in Denmark, it’s the norm to huddle together as large families once in a week! Yes, no kidding. And, they are no under developed, third world country where space is scarce and large families are forced to share a very small space.
Hygee also has Germanic roots. It means to think or feel satisfied. For the Danes, Hygge is part of their cultural foundation. While reading this chapter, my heart grew heavy, for I had not really been part such large, happy family gatherings.
It was at one of the parties in a friend’s house, many years after being a child, that I felt truly belonged. A safe, happy home to cozy and love and sing and dance and what not. I could only imagine, how happy such get-togethers can be for young children.
If families and friends could set aside a day and also their differences and come together to spend some wonderful time together, exchanging funny stories, playing patently dumb games, acting stupid and goofy, and throwing all care and judgment to the wind, wouldn’t be a time of our lives? And our children’s?
Jessica and Iben tell us that feeling connected to others gives meaning and purpose to our lives. Quite close to the place that Victor Frankl, the Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, arrived at in his life-altering work, Man’s search for meaning.
This of course mustn’t be confused with abdication/sacrificing of all individual identity or need in the service of the larger good or family. In a hygee, the individual is prized too, but the understanding is that without the interaction and support of others, none of us can be truly happy as a whole person. Something like the journey of Steven Covey’s 7 habits from Dependence>>Independence>>Interdependence.
When you substitute WE instead of I, even Illness becomes wellness. Brings to mind, Kalaignar’s beautiful quote, Naan endru sonnal irandu udhadugalum ottuvadhillai. Naam endri solli paarungal, udhadugal ottum. That is, the Tamizh word for I wouldn’t let even your lips touch each other, whereas the word for us/we, brings the lips together.
An interesting fable (on togetherness) in Denmark is about heaven and hell. So, both heaven and hell have these long tables filled with food with people sitting around. The people have long wooden spoons, instead of hands! No wonder people in hell looked emaciated and angry for they could only look at all the lovely food and wine; they couldn’t bring themselves eat! However, the people in heaven are so excited, happy, and thrilled with the food and wine. And, that because they found a way out. They were feeding each other with the wooden spoons.
Teamwork in Denmark
Very early, children are encouraged to work in teams. Children seek out the strengths and weakness in each other and help bring out the best. This makes them excellent team players. They help others to help themselves, and they are humble even when they are stars. Apparently social groups are a big hit in Denmark. The cook together, clean up, and generally find ways to enjoy each others’ company.
This can be seen clearly in the way new moms are supported. To the new mom, the local midwife gets the details of the all new moms in the vicinity for her to cope better with all the stress of having a new baby. Sometimes these moms even visit each other! Whoa! What would I have not given to have had this kind of support when I was a new mom. In any case, I am grateful for all the support I got from my family, friends, workplace, and the hospital!
So, here are some quick pointers, if you wanna have a Hygee at your place:
1. Take the hygee oath: Just leave the I at the doorstep, along with your phone, gadgets, and I’d say your physical inhibitions (be ready to dance and sing, regardless of how laughable the whole thing is; the idea is to be happy and make others happy)
2. Be in the moment together.
3. Practice preframing.
4. Have fun together.
5. Make it cozy.
6. Don’t complain.
7. Practice reframing, if you are stressed.
8. Keep things simple.
9. Stay present and encourage the kids too also be present.
10. Be connected.
11.Play
12. Confide and share
13. Start a mom’s group.
14. Tell your kids that your family is a team.
15. Celebrate everyday togetherness and Sing!
