Your 20s are absolutely full of life lessons — these 12 changed my life

Another year, another trip around the sun and my 26th birthday is upon me.

I know that “proper adults” (as I like to call them) are constantly proclaiming “Just WHERE has the time gone???” at every available opportunity — birthdays, weddings, Christmas, heck even funerals but genuinely, I do feel like I’ve blinked and 20 became 26.

But this isn’t a negative thing. Our society is utterly obsessed with not only getting older but how to avoid it. But here’s the thing — ageing is THE most natural thing to happen to any of us.

We shouldn’t want to slow it down or stop it — we should be embracing it and all that it means.

Because to age is a privilege. It’s a privilege that not everyone will get to experience.

When I was 18, a friend of mine from sixth form was hit and killed by a freight train whilst he was out running. I think about him a lot, actually.

I think about how it’s such an incredibly sad injustice that such a sweet, caring and smart person never got to experience his 19th birthday.

He never got to go to university, travel the world, get married or become a father. But all those close to him, his family and closest friends, experienced the raw, dizzying heartbreak of losing him and the permanent gap it has left in their lives ever since.

Because here’s the thing — we never, ever know what’s going to happen to us or the people we care about in this life. And that’s absolutely terrifying.

But it should serve as a stark reminder, every single day, to be grateful that you opened your eyes in the morning — because not everyone will experience that same privilege.

This first half of my 20s has been absolutely FULL of life lessons.

It was the time I built myself a career and two businesses. I felt the pain of losing both of my beautiful grandmothers. I learned SO much about love, romance and friendships, and what it means to be loved and to love someone else in return.

Loss and heartbreak have been steadily woven into the tapestry of this time — at times, they hurt so much that I felt them as a physical pain. But despite it all, I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

Like a sunflower, I have grown, guided by the light of what’s really important to me in this life. And it’s this light that guides me into my future and further towards building the life I have always dreamed of.

So, without further ado here are 12 of the most life-changing lessons I’ve learned so far.

1. Don’t ever expect anyone to change for you

One of the biggest mistakes I see people trying to make when it comes to friendships and relationships is trying to make someone change for you. Having been on the receiving end of such intentions, I can honestly say it never does any good.

When you first meet someone, the person you see in front of you is the person that they are — bad traits and all.

If you don’t like the person that they are, there will be plenty of people out there who do. Therefore asking or even expecting someone to change on your behalf is not only selfish but it’s completely unfair.

The only person who can change someone is themselves. But it HAS to come from them — people will never change due to peer pressure from someone else, it’ll just cause underlying anger and resentment.

2. You can’t fight for something that only one person wants to save

When you love someone — be that a friend, a family member or a romantic partner, it’s incredibly hard to let that person go or to see a situation for what it really is.

Sometimes, it’ll be someone that you expected to be in your life forever (like my best friend who ghosted me for an entire year). But sometimes, things happen, people change, and before you know it the easy, relaxed tone of your friendship has turned into something raw and jagged at the edges.

Neither of you can figure out why it has happened, but suddenly things aren’t the same — you feel as though you’re treading on eggshells around them.

There have been times in my life where I have tried with all my heart to make something work. But it didn’t because the other person in the equation just didn’t have that same desire to salvage what was left.

When this happens it’s no longer becomes a question of love or even loyalty — it’s a question of self-respect. And you cannot fight for something that only one person wants to save.

In fact, you owe it to yourself to say it’s time to walk away.

3. If you find someone with a beautiful heart — hold onto them

As a society, we completely idolise people based on how they look. Therefore it’s not hard to find beautiful people pretty much anywhere you go. Makeup, surgery and beauty products are so readily available that beauty has never been more accessible.

But if I’ve learned anything during my time so far, it’s that most beautiful people lack any real substance underneath — and this isn’t a generalisation.

I have so much love and respect for my closest friends and my family for this very reason — because, at their very core, they are wonderful people and I feel so very lucky to have them in my life.

We often talk about beauty as a representation of what’s on the outside — but when someone has inner beauty, I truly believe it shines from within them.

Therefore when you find someone with a beautiful heart, hold onto them — as they are truly hard to find.

4. F*ck timing — the time will never be “just right”

In my opinion, “the right time” is a social construct created to scare people out of following their dreams or doing what’s best for them.

There will never, ever, be a “right time” to do anything — and the “right time” in itself is subjective.

For some people who have always dreamed of starting a family, their right time could be 21, whereas for others having children at that age would absolutely ruin their life.

If you are constantly waiting for the right time to do things, you’ll be waiting for your entire life.

Sure, there will be times in your life where the timing is better than others. But don’t miss out on people, places or opportunities because you’re waiting for a hand on a mythical clock that simply doesn’t exist.

Life is happening right now — not tomorrow, or in six months time — you owe it to yourself not to miss out on it.

5. Don’t punish new people for mistakes made by people in the past

One of the biggest mistakes I’ve watched my friends make is punishing new partners for mistakes that old partners have made in the past.

And I get it — once you’ve been stung, it’s incredibly hard to let go of those insecurities. But equally, it’s not fair to punish someone new based on something they have never done, nor will probably ever do.

When you enter into a new relationship, they deserve to be given your trust because without it, things are doomed to fail from the outset.

I’ve had my heart broken multiple times in the past, but I will always enter into something new with hope and positivity that this time it will be different.

And if it isn’t, it’s because it wasn’t meant to be and there will be valuable life lessons I can take from it in the process.

You have to learn to embrace everything in life — even the hurt and the heartbreak, because without that you’d never appreciate just how great its polar opposites are.

6. Ignore everything that people say to you — and judge them based entirely on their actions

In life, people will always tell you what they think you want to hear. Think about the last time you were let down by someone — it’s probably because they said one thing and did another.

One of the best pieces of advice I have ever been given is to ignore everything that anyone has ever said to you and judge them entirely based on their actions alone.

Someone’s actions will always reveal their true intentions in any situation and will save a lot of heartache and confusion further on down the line.

Choose to believe people when they show you who they are.

7. When it comes to love — don’t accept anything less than pure and utter magic

I’m only human — and there have been times in the past when I’ve been single and a bit bored and have dated people that fundamentally, I know are not suited to me for anything long-term.

And though they’ve been nice, smart and attractive — fundamentally, I’ve wanted to like them more than I actually did.

Though looking back I see that it wasn’t fair of me to string along someone that I had no intention of getting into a relationship with, people do this all the time — especially men.

However, if I’m going to get into a relationship with someone, I need to meet someone who absolutely blows my socks off from the get-go.

Someone who I love being around, someone who excites me — and most importantly, someone who inspires me to be a better person.

I constantly see people settling when it comes to relationships — but I firmly believe that if you’re going to give someone that title, you shouldn’t accept anything less than pure and utter magic when you’re together.

I’m 26 and I’ve only ever been in two relationships — one that I’d count as serious. But I’ve felt that way about both of them and after the first, it took me four years to find someone who measured up — but it was worth the wait.

Companionship alone should not be a good enough reason to get into a relationship — and if you don’t see a future with them, you’re just wasting each other’s time.

As my favourite quote by Jill Robinson says “There are too many mediocre things in life — love should not be one of them.”

8. Love is not the “final solution” to happiness

I think it’s really sad that a person can lead an amazing, fulfilled life — they can have a great job, great friends and a great family. And yet people won’t see their life as being “complete” until they’ve found a romantic partner to share it with.

This is especially true of women — the age-old “bachelor vs. spinster” double standard still exists, and single women in their 30s are constantly being asked if they have a partner, or want to “settle down” and have kid whereas men of the same age are left to their own devices.

Too many people see love as the “final solution” to happiness. But love will not “save” you. It will not make you like yourself more. It won’t cure you or make your life “complete”.

The only way you can learn to be happy and content is by being truly comfortable in your own skin and creating a life for yourself whereby, should you lose your job, your partner, your friends — you could still find a way to be happy and content.

If you spend your life waiting — waiting until you are thinner, or richer, or you have your dream relationship to be “happy” you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness and discontent.

After all, finding love and having someone to share your life with is not the final solution — it’s just an amazing bonus.

9. Self-respect is the compass you need to guide you through every situation life throws at you

The number one thing that has helped me to navigate tricky situations is self-respect.

When I was fired from my first ever graduate job, they had to go back on their word as they’d claimed I’d been lying about being in hospital when I had proof I’d been there.

But even once the mistake had been made, there was no way I was ever going to back to work for a company who were so willing to throw me under the bus at the first available opportunity.

Self-respect has been the guiding light helping me through SO many situations in my life — relationships, friendships, situations at work or with family.

Don’t ever, EVER lose your respect for yourself. You have to know your worth and when someone or a situation is taking advantage of your good nature.

Once you set that precedent with people, you will never stop being taken the p*ss out of.

10. In this day and age, the most valuable thing someone can give you is their time

“Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.” — Theoprastus

I truly believe that in this modern society we live in — one where we are constantly being bombarded with pressure from every angle of our lives — the most valuable thing someone can give you is their time.

Time is so precious yet treated by many as a disposable, never-ending commodity. So it means the world to me when the people I care about choose to spend their free time with me.

Therefore when they do, it’s so important to me that I make sure I am present in the moment with them. When they speak to me, I don’t just nod and agree, but I truly listen to what they have to say,

Put your phone away. Don’t let the needless pull of a dopamine-fuelled device take away from being truly mindful and enjoying spending time with the people you love.

When you break it down — the things we are distracted by all day every day are completely meaningless notifications from people we probably won’t care about in 10 years time.

No one gets to their deathbed and wishes they’d spent more time scrolling through Instagram.

Use your time wisely is you want to lead a happy, enriched, fulfilled life.

11. Don’t live your life for other people

Until you take a step back, it can be incredibly hard to truly recognise the extent to which societal norms, personal biases and pressure from family and friends have on your ability to make decisions based on what’s best for YOU and you alone.

My parents would love nothing more than for me to get a job working for someone else and to steadily climb by way up the career ladder. Why? Because they love and care about me and because that’s deemed as the “safe” option.

No one really wants their 24-year-old daughter taking a huge risk like becoming self-employed. But I knew it was the right decision for me and as a result, my life is infinitely better than it was when I was stuck in the “system” and working to live.

If my early 20s have taught me anything it’s to take a step back and really think about what you want from this life. What you need to make you happy, what kind of impact you want to have on the world and the people you care about and most importantly, how you’re going to get there.

It’s not been a straight-forward journey by any stretch of the imagination. But try not to get bogged down by what people think you should be doing at any given age and do what is best for YOU.

Stop living your life for other people and always, always, ALWAYS trust your gut instinct.

12. You are SO much more than what you look like

Throughout my early 20s, my weight fluctuated as it did when I was a teenager.

This in itself brought up a whole host of complicated feelings back to the surface. But this time, it was different.

Because even though my weight might fluctuate and what I look like might change, I know that as well as I know my own name, I am so much more than what I look like. And I am, and always will be, worthy of love and kindness and respect.

Not only from others but from myself. The term “self-love is thrown around a lot these days, but I have learned to love my body for the incredibly adaptable machine that it is.

It keeps me alive, it fights illness and it allows me to lead a privileged quality of life that only comes from being mobile — something that my work with disability charities has taught me that we should never take for granted.

I spent many years as a child wanting nothing more than to be pretty and for boys to fancy me. Now I see that I have so much more to offer someone than just what’s on the outside.

It’s been one hell of a six years but I am SO veryexcited for what’s to come.

Life is this forever-changing, incredible journey and even through the bad times, the depression, and the heartache, I am grateful I get to experience whatever comes my way.

With every day that passes, I can feel myself becoming the woman I have always wanted to be. She’s a force to be reckoned with and someone to be infinitely proud of.

Thank you so much for reading.

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Hannah McCreesh is a Freelance Writer, Marketer and Lifestyle Blogger who lives in Sheffield, England with her grey & white sassy cat, Frankie.

You can catch more of her ramblings on her personal blog here.

And find out about how she makes a living on her freelance website here.