i. thoroughness & comprehension (+)

This is an inflammatory piece that I’m excited to see come from you! I don’t think you’ve ever said the word “fuck” in front of us (at least not in class?) You take us through a personal narrative that directly replies to Planchette’s, but isn’t a one-off comment or thought. This is something that affects your daily life. Some of the research could use some polishing, like tell me what the exchange rate between USD and Rupees, not just rough numbers, and why did you get a raise (I know why, it’s because it was mandatory due to changes in IL labor law, but you need to tell your readers that.) Also, I wish you had acknowledged some of the privilege you do have: not all of us can survive off of 15 hours of work a week (i.e. the maximum I’m allowed to work and still struggle to make rent) so 20 hours seems like a luxury, and “avoiding” Uber rides implies that you have taken them, and it is a huge luxury for some of us who can’t afford to spend $5 for a safe ride home after a night out. You also bring up the idea of “giving” but make no specific references; how do you give back to your community?? Don’t leave me hanging.

ii. creativity (✓)

The photos help prove your point, but they’re placed oddly, and don’t have the visual effect they could if they were further up. Also, I don’t think it’s appropriate to exploit hungry children by offering up a photo of them next to a pair of shoes. You make a solid point, but I’m offended by the way you do.

iii. use of platform (✓)

Medium is a great way to talk about, or ask others to talk about these problems. This piece seemed to me as if it should end on a question or call to action, to entice readers to reply with their own I-Do-Give-A-Fuck Fund stories (as you make a lot of claims that I’m sure not everyone agrees with)