Yes!!! Thank you.
I had a baby girl a year ago. I never used to want to have kids. I knew they took a lot of work,and I wanted to focus on my opera career. But, I actually accidentally got pregnant, which terrified me, then miscarried, and that was so heartbreaking. I really wanted kids after that! Then I had two more miscarriages before finding out I have a very common mutation (MTHFR) and have to avoid synthetic folic acid which they put in everything these days. When I was pregnant with Amelia I took special prenatals with better forms of folate…
Anyway, as an opera singer, I’m quite used to not having money! I always worked lots of odd jobs. I nannied a lot, performed as a children’s entertainer (faerie, pirate, Princess…) , and of course sang. When I was pregnant with Amelia I worked like crazy, and also started up my Mary Kay business. My motivator was my husband. I knew he was worried about money and I wanted to make as much as possible while I was able to! I planned to look after some kids in my home after I had the baby.
I felt so happy and lucky to have my husband who I idolized. But, he was getting more and more mean. After I had the baby (at home in a birthing tub!) , and his mum and sister left, he was really really horrible. He just changed suddenly. But I still didn’t get it until I found some emails between him and a 21 year old he used to work with… I asked him and he denied the affair but admitted he didn’t love me and wanted a divorce.
Sorry for writing so much, but it is relevant! He told me a lot of things, but he still says that he felt used. He hopes I make it one day as a singer, but he doesn’t Believe I will. He doesn’t want to support me financially.
He works as a wine maker. He does what he loves and is paid well. He uses his extra money for his serious woodworking hobby and he’s amazing at it.
I have a master’s degree, I sing pretty often but not always paid, I teach voice lessons but I don’t have many students, I’ve always had too many projects going on. I have always loved kids.
When I knew I was going to have a baby, there was never a possibility of me working and putting her in childcare. I had to move back to my mum’s when the baby was a month old. Now I’m renting a small house with my uncle. I get child support but money is tight. If I have to though, I would rather move back into my mums place than not be with my baby most of the time.
I take my job seriously as her mother. Early development is very important! My ex says that being a stay at home mother is not a right, it’s a privilege and I don’t deserve it! I obviously disagree. I think that it is Amelia’s right to have me there for her. I take her to lots of activities and I interact with her most of the time. She is outgoing and clever and happy and well adjusted.
I’m still singing and selling a little Mary Kay, etc… I congratulate myself on every little achievement because it’s much more difficult with a baby. But I love having her all to myself! She is the best thing ever. My experience with her dad was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever had to endure. But, I’m a positive person.
I was really happy before, I felt so secure and loved. Now my baby seriously is everything. So money is no longer really important. I’m mostly happy and I think I’ll eventually find someone better suited to me. It’s hard being single (loved that article you wrote too!), but having a baby who needs you helps!
My mother was a stay at home mum too, so I guess that influences me. And we’re from England. My mum had 6 kids. She’s recently been attending community college and planning to enter the workforce. She’s 59. Why should a woman who’s nearly 60 have to learn new skills and go to work,after so many years of running a household , managing money, raising kids, solving all our problems, etc? While business professionals get to retire from jobs they are paid for and get to go home from? Ugh. I think we are getting a bit more respect though, but people are still surprised when they ask me what I do to pay my bills.
Children are so important. They are the future. We should invest in them, and having a close bond with the mother has a huge impact!! Breastfeeding!!
Sorry this is seriously long and I’m crazy sleepy… 😊