I’m so glad I didn’t write you a Christmas letter last year — oh my, that really would have been a depressing one. I knew you were alive — which was such an incredible relief to hear after 13 years of no news — but you weren’t coming forward, despite all my best efforts to reach you. I had almost lost hope of you ever getting in touch.
Thankfully, this year, I’ve managed to put myself into a different mindset. I’ve been forced to walk around in your shoes, see your point of view after 14 years of separation. I had to ask myself the painful question, why didn’t you come forward?
Trying to understand your motives for staying hidden has removed my anger, frustration and desperation. I realise now that you may need me to reassure you. To become a lighthouse. Well, I can safely tell you that I have lit that beacon of unconditional love in my heart and I just leave it there, sending out my love to you.
I am able to get on with life, knowing that you can feel that love wherever you are in Africa. Don’t get me wrong, Chris, I still have immense sadness that you are not physically with me, but also know that I have faith, no stronger than that, I KNOW that you and I will be reunited in this life. I know that because we are soulmates.
I understand you might be worried about my reaction to your changed self. You might not have the same handsome, chiselled face, you might not have the same happy-go-lucky, centre-of-the-party personality you once had. The inward, sensitive, complex Chris has come to the fore after all your experiences, and you may be afraid to show this to me. Please don’t be scared, for I have also changed immensely since you knew me as the 30yr old, with neither children, husband nor life purpose.
But here’s the rub: we’re still the same soulmates underneath, which surpasses all appearances and behavioural patterns. I would recognise you anywhere. Even on a crowded street, I would know you, in my heart, as Chris.
I also understand you would want to retain your anonymity — that you wouldn’t want media attention or interest from unhelpful people. I make my promise to you, now, when you call me I will have a support team in place for you to grab hold of. These will be trusted, knowledgeable and experienced people who will act as a bridge between us, people who will be able to help you, before I can reach you. There will be no media involved.
I promise you, you will not need to return to the UK if your home is now elsewhere. You will not have to try and fit into what would now be an alien environment. I would visit you. You can rely on me to smooth the passage of virtual reintroductions and the physical ones, if you desire. There are so many people who love you, Chris, but I understand you might be scared of facing all those questions you think you’ll have to answer and all those explanations you’ll be asked to give. I will calm the turbulent waters. I will be a keeper of your secrets and bear the burden of others’ reactions and emotions. Of course, I’d do that for you, my little bruv.
Just know that my beacon of unconditional love is shining out to you all the time.
Love always and Merry Christmas.