The Food Blog You Didn’t Know You Needed

Having a food blog is a trendy thing to do so I decided to take a stab at it because I eat food and also because I’m a Level 5 procrastinator.

Without further ado, here’s my food blog. Or Flog.

Day 1

Eating ice cream for breakfast but its mocha flavored so that means it’s pretty much coffee.

Lunch: For lunch I had a salad. Disclaimer: I only eat salads for the croutons. It’s really disturbing that we as a culture have decided to put mini pieces of bread in our salads. I’ll have a salad. It’s healthy. With those little pieces of bread in it. And a side of bread. It’s healthy.

I’m hungry but only for ice cream and chocolate specifically.

“Do I look like the type of person who washes fruit?” -me, earlier today.

Vegetables, or as I like to call them, “glorified dirt.”

I just broke a nail opening a pistachio. One time someone told me that maggots often crawl into pistachio shells and die, so whenever you eat a weird-tasting pistachio, it was probably just a dead maggot. I think about this a lot. Not enough to make me stop eating pistachios, but it definitely crosses my mind.

I don’t remember what I ate for dinner. It’s all a blur.

Day 2

For breakfast I had oatmeal. Oatmeal? More like oat-snack am I right hahaha I’m dead inside.

“I’ve eaten way more than the suggested serving size of these bad boys,” — me referring to cheez-its.

Ate my friend’s pizza crust because 1) she is too weak to eat the whole slice (lame sauce) and 2) I’m lactose intolerant and can’t eat the rest of the pizza (lame sauce 3000).

Tried to be healthy and drink coconut water but it tasted like nature’s tears.

Day 3

For breakfast I had corn flakes, aka my second favorite way to consume corn.

“*Fetty voice* yaaah baby” — my reaction to sushi

“I’m probably going to eat all of these raspberries in one sitting because I have no self control” — me, moments before I ate all of those raspberries in one sitting.

Just ate some cheesy p’s. That’s what I call cheesy potatoes. Did I mention that I’m lactose intolerant?

Day 4

Not gunna lie I found a piece of popcorn in my bed this morning and I ate it.

Just ate a bagel in order to replenish all those calories I burned doing nothing.

I thought maybe it would be a good idea to eat a swedish fish inbetween two saltine crackers but I was wrong.

Day 5

Someone told me matcha tea is good for you but I tried it and in reality it tastes like green tea that threw-up onto a pile of shittier green tea.

For snack I drank a glass of milk. Siiiiike anyone who drinks milk plain is a serial killer.

Speaking of cereal this blog is actually sponsored by Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes.


Day 6

Everything I ate today was irrelevant except for dinner. At dinner I went to Noodles and Company. I ordered a Mediterranean wrap with a side salad. Somehow they mixed up my order and gave me a salad with a side salad, which defies all logical explanation. I decided to power through and eat my salads. One of the salads was full of olives, which is tragic because olives are terrible. It was dark out and I couldn’t really see what I was eating because I was eating in the dark. (Idk). I took a very large forkful of salad #1 and sent it towards my mouth. This forkful of salad must’ve had at least a thousand olives in it. There was no way I was going to swallow this. I feel like this is a good time to let you know that I was in public. I spit out the olives in a nearby decorative fern. :-)

That is all.

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