FNN Report: Pentagon Faces Cruise Missile Crisis
Faux News Network’s Pentagon reporter, Sam Kung-Fu, filed this report about recent Pentagon concerns.
Today, we learned some disturbing facts about cruise missiles. The disclosure came after our reporter spent the night drinking in a bordello with an unnamed source.
According to the source, the Navy has a large inventory of cruise missiles and many of them are approaching their expiration date. “We can’t sell them to third world countries because they can’t afford the infrastructure required to use the missiles. So, it’s a question of use them or lose them.”
The source went on to add, “Besides, cruise missiles are expensive so the crews don’t get much live fire experience. So attacking some one or some place will provide much needed training as well as using the missiles before the shelf life expires.”
President Trump supports the idea of using up the cruise missiles in this way. “Some places really need to get blasted. They really, really need it,” he is reported as saying. “It’ll make it easier for us to deal with them in the future.” The President also mentioned that firing off the cruise missiles would provide work for the defense contractors by replacing the old cruise missiles. “Good, high-paying jobs for American workers.”
The source went on to say the Pentagon is preparing a list of targets for the President to chose from and the White House is working on plausible reasons to justify the attacks.
Our reporter will update this report after he goes out drinking again with his source.
FNN note: Sam Kung-Fu is a retired super-hero who has saved the world at least three times and the entire galaxy twice.