To The One Who Shows Me Love
I watched the ones I cared about crumble in the hands of love. Vowing over the tears my friends would shed on my shoulder, that I would never be such a fool. Allowing someone to take pieces of me, stealing my treasure without the return of my golden soul. Never will I lose apart of my soul to another being. Accepting the road of loneliness was safer than the vulnerability to one’s eyes.
But you. Damn you. You came into my world when I was trying to leave it. “Only friends,” I would repeat to myself. My wall was built up from the nineteen years of a bittersweet void I chose to run from. Yet you, you dug underneath my wall to settle in my heart. I was waiting for you to see the ugliness I saw in the mirror, the scars between my thighs, the sadness clouding my mind. Why didn’t you leave? Damn you. You made me want to change my nineteen year vow within a nineteen second conversation.
There are so many versions of sadness, my darling, and I have felt them all. Yet so have you. We met in a unparticular situation, but that’s what happens for unfortunate people. Partial hospitalization wasn’t met for companions, it was meant for healing. How is one broken person suppose to fix another?
Yet you showed me that without cracks in my skin, how else was light suppose to get in. The feelings haunted me at night. You see, I learned that people weren’t permanent. The warmth of your touch and words kept me stable and at bay. Losing you or keeping you was a suicidal decision in either form.
You were like coming home from a long, long day. Asking me every. single. day how I was doing and acting like you knew the rants I was about to give. He became my personal pen and paper, pouring poetry back into me. But you’re the real poem, darling.
In the spring, it’s raindrops. In summer, it’s the flower petals. In autumn, it’s the leaves. In the winter, it’s snowflakes. All of these things will eventually fall; but none of them will fall as hard as I do when I wake up to you every morning.
To you. The one who fills my spirit with love. I’m so glad we were born in the same lifetime. I may not believe in fate, but I believe in you.