Why there is absolutely NO place for bullying in the workplace
Break the silence. Make a difference. It’ s time to face up to reality and put a stop to workplace bullying for good.
Have you ever experienced something so abhorrently wrong, damaging and widespread, yet which shockingly still remains largely unacknowledged, under the radar, unchecked, ignored, overlooked, not talked about, and in many cases deliberately covered up, to the point where you feel you have a duty to speak up, to expose it, to act, and do something to create change for the better and protect those who continue to suffer in silence?
I have been subjected to workplace bullying, harassment, discrimination and massive abuse of power many times, and this is me speaking up, sharing my story, and saying “Time’s Up” on bullying and any other form of abuse in the workplace. Things MUST change!
“She’s out cold!” One of my colleagues exclaimed rushing towards me. I jumped up from my desk in the open plan office and we ran together to the bathroom. Lying on the floor having fainted… disorientated, shaken, and distressingly upset, was my beautiful friend and colleague. “I can’t take it anymore” she sobbed, her tooth not the only thing broken.
That was the turning point for me. I was just 22 years old and had put up with the relentless abuse from an insecure producer and her management team for months now, but had kept quiet, suffering in silence, thinking that if I ignored it, kept my head down, worked super hard and continued to prove myself every day, that it would go away… that she would leave me alone. She didn’t.
It may sound strange, but despite the persistent bullying I was subjected to there, it took for something to happen to my colleague before I found the courage to speak up. By my nature, I have always found it completely natural to spring into action and fearlessly stand up for others if they are being mistreated, yet back then I failed miserably at standing up for myself under the same circumstances.
“You are there to be seen and not heard” (yes, you read that right), “You are not worthy enough to talk to celebrities” (despite the fact that part of my job was to look after them — not quite sure how that was supposed to work), “She’s a nobody” (the crushing response given by the production manager to the executive who said about me, “I am so impressed by that young girl… who is she?!”), and “Well I was bullied when I was in your position, so now it’s our turn to bully you!” were phrases that were uttered to me repeatedly by management at a major British broadcaster, and have stayed with me to this day. They no longer have any power over me… but boy, did they cause some damage.
As if these outrageously archaic and controlling remarks weren’t enough, I also found that no matter what I did, or how good I was at my job, the producer actively blocked me from progressing. In fact, the better I performed and the more people thought highly of me, the more determined she became. She resolutely refused to recognise my achievements and, despite numerous recommendations that I be promoted, she blocked my opportunities at every turn. I remember feeling so confused and completely and utterly trapped, belittled and devalued. It wasn’t until months later, when the producer got drunk at an office party, that she revealed that she was jealous of me, felt threatened by my confidence and talent, and felt that unless she did something to deliberately and continually squash me and hold me back, she was scared I would naturally flourish and soar in my career. I was flabbergasted. How could someone in such a position of power, choose to abuse it so spectacularly?
I wish I could say that those were my only experiences of bullying in the workplace, but unfortunately I can’t.
Fast-forward 3 years and I’m encountering yet another workplace bully… this time in the form of my female line manager at a high profile hedge fund. Upon starting at the company, the girls in my team took me to one side and said, “We’re so relieved that you’re starting!” Thinking how lovely this was, I smiled and said thank you, only to be told, “Now the line manager will bully you instead of us! She always likes picking on the new girl.” True to their words, I endured an awful experience there thanks to the line manager who, as it turned out, was also closely acquainted with the green-eyed monster, and made it her mission to make my life as miserable as possible, failing to show an ounce of human decency throughout my employment there.
It would be five years before I was brave enough to accept another permanent position. Shaken and shocked by my workplace experiences to date, I decided to take back control and live life on my terms. I freelanced as a Personal Assistant and went back to my studies, gaining qualifications in both Coaching and Teaching, as well as fulfilling one of my dreams of writing and recording my own album as a Singer-Songwriter.
During this period, I had been freelancing on and off for 3 years in London at one of the most well-known international media & family entertainment companies in the world. I worked for multiple senior executives over that time, and had loved it. I was surrounded by wonderful people every day, and was enjoying working with inspirational and supportive bosses for once. Highly thought of and valued, I was recommended for a permanent role and a promotion to the EMEA Headquarters in Hammersmith. This company was a brand that I had looked up to and adored since I was a little girl, having grown up with their well-known animated characters and famous family-friendly movies ever since I can remember and, having had such a happy time so far, I felt that if I was going to accept a permanent position again this was the place to do it. Little was I to know that this move would not only spell the end of my happiness at the company, but that it would be one of the most harrowing experiences of my life to date. Round three was about to begin.
What happened at this company is almost too shocking to comprehend, and there is far too much detail to be able to share with you properly here, so I will give you the short version. Everything initially started out pretty well. I was excited and managed to hit the ground running, excelling in my role and pretty quickly becoming heavily relied upon by my boss and endorsed by peers and management alike. It was not long before I discovered though, that despite my high hopes, I was now working for a man in a position of significant power who had a reputation for being extremely controlling, intimidating, egocentric, dictatorial, demeaning and as I was often told, was generally best avoided.
As his assistant I witnessed, and was subjected to, more and more of his abusive, disrespectful, domineering and manipulative behaviour. He would often make it impossible for me to get on with my work, expecting me to run around after his every whim, giving me very little time at my desk, meaning that I had to work late every evening in order to keep up with my work. He took every possible opportunity he could to exert his authority over me… often shouting at me, dumping his dirty tissues and other rubbish on my desk instead of throwing them away himself, and regularly made me feel used as a ‘trophy’ to remind others of his powerful status. He ruled by spreading fear amongst those who worked for him, and yet was the master of sucking up to those he needed to impress. I remember feeling constantly scared at the thought of what might happen to me if I ever even put a toenail (let alone a foot!) out of place. The experience of working for such an unpleasant man, along with the extreme workload I was forced to cope with, was taking its toll. This giant corporation had inadvertently become my life, and I was working day and night at the expense of my own happiness and wellbeing to do everything I could to make sure that I was ‘good enough’. I started experiencing chest pains, I felt exhausted, overworked, undervalued, completely drained and desperately in need of some help with the ever-increasing, relentless workload.
It was in this broken state, having been encouraged by my colleagues, who were shocked to see what I was going through, that I plucked up the courage to speak to my boss, and then on his recommendation, his HR Manager, to ask for the help I so desperately needed. To say that I was shocked by the HR Manager’s response is an understatement. Suffice it to say that she showed absolutely no understanding or compassion, she was rude and disrespectful, utterly insulting, demeaning, patronising, and quite frankly, left me reeling. I will never forget her coldly refusing my request for help as I sat with tears rolling down my cheeks not knowing where else to turn. “If you can’t cope with this job, then maybe you should find another one”.
Deflated, I returned to my slave-like existence, barely eating or sleeping, my life forced to revolve around work whilst enduring persistent controlling and bullying behaviour. I counted the days to my summer holiday… it could not come soon enough. Upon returning to work a couple of weeks later, the same HR Manager came to my office. She told me coldly and robotically that I was being ‘terminated’ and that I had 30 minutes to gather my belongings before being escorted off the premises. I was staggered. When I asked on what grounds, it became very clear that my dismissal had been carefully calculated and meticulously engineered, and that the plotting had begun between my boss and his HR Manager from the day that I requested a meeting to ask for help.
From that day on, the shocks kept coming as, week after week the depth of their depravity was revealed. I was barred without warning or communication from all their premises, and only found out that I had been put on the ‘Watch List’ when I went to meet a friend for a pre-arranged lunch at my original Chiswick Park office a couple of days later. I’ll never forget the sheer embarrassment and awkwardness on the security guard’s face as he stood guarding the door, in anticipation of our arrival back from lunch. He was someone who knew me well from my previous years of freelancing there and now stood squirming, head hung in shame as he was forced to ‘follow orders’ which he told me had come direct from the Head Office in Hammersmith… from the very same HR Manager herself. I remember my friend and ex-colleague bursting into tears. I went into shock and collapsed shivering on a bench outside the office and wept, consumed with humiliation, injustice and intense hurt. I felt like I was being treated like some kind of dangerous criminal, yet I had done absolutely nothing wrong.
The company’s attempts to close ranks and desperately cover up the immorality surrounding my mistreatment and constructive unfair dismissal continued, even ignoring and going against their own policies and procedures in order to try and bury the truth. It took me 3 months of persistence, research, and communicating with company executives at the highest level in both the UK and USA, before I was finally granted the opportunity to speak up and hold them to account through an internal appeal. The sheer magnitude of the injustice I had suffered at their hands meant that I was determined to fight for justice, and I think the company finally realised that I was not just going to disappear as they had hoped.
By this time, partly thanks to a Subject Access Request, I had clear evidence and cast-iron proof that my ex-boss and his HR Manager had conspired and constructed a false case to dismiss me. Even the lawyers I spoke to were in no doubt that the company were guilty of unfair dismissal and that the treatment I had endured was utterly shocking. However, despite the devastating impact the whole episode had on me, and the huge injustice of it all, the lawyers told me that unfortunately their hands were tied and they were unable to hold the company to account for their actions because UK Employment Law prevented them from doing so.
According to the UK Employment Rights Act 1996, an employee only has the right to make a claim of unfair dismissal if they have been continuously employed by the company for a period of 2 years or more (unless the employee suffers discrimination relating to specific protected characteristics under the Equality Act 2010) and, to add insult to injury, there is currently no law protecting employees from workplace bullying, meaning that I did not ‘qualify’ and therefore had no chance of protection, and no way to ensure that my boss and his HR Manager, or the company, were properly held to account. I was dumbfounded.
Fast-forward a few years, and I’ve come full circle… I’m in another workplace bathroom — different company, different management, same problem… but this time, instead of my friend disorientated, shaken and distressingly upset, it’s me. I am propped up on the sinks hyperventilating and struggling to breathe. I have pains in my chest, I am sobbing uncontrollably, the room is spinning, and a rash has started to spread across my neck and chest.
I can’t talk about what happened at that company, but what I can tell you is what I have learnt from these hugely destructive experiences, and what I am determined to do now to make a difference.
Workplace bullying is rife. Abuse of power in the workplace is endemic. People are afraid to speak up. Employee mistreatment, harassment and discrimination (scarily often falling outside the legally protected characteristics in the Equality Act 2010) lurk around every office corner and, as we are becoming more and more aware aided by some very brave individuals and the recent ‘Me Too’ and ‘Time’s Up’ movements, sexual harassment in every industry is a very real and shockingly prevalent problem, which has been overlooked for far too long.
Over my career to date, I have encountered, witnessed and suffered numerous incidents of harassment (both sexual and otherwise), workplace bullying, discrimination, and unfathomable abuse of power, and in almost every case, the company has chosen, and been able, to look the other way, turn a blind eye, silence, cover up, or use loopholes in the law, rather than deal with and stamp out the very real and incredibly damaging problem that is so widespread in our workplaces.
It is time to put an end to workplace bullying, harassment, discrimination and abuse. We face this problem on a massive scale and we, as a society, must come together and act now to address and stop it, before it is too late. People’s health, happiness, careers and even lives are under threat as long as we allow this mega problem to continue, and I believe that Great Britain could become significantly greater if we address this problem properly and effectively.
Acas reports that bullying in the workplace is on the rise and costs the UK economy £18 billion per year. This figure combines sickness-related absences (as a result of workplace bullying), staff turnover and reduction in productivity. My own health suffered for years, as a direct result of workplace abuse, and I have since met more people than I could ever have imagined, who have been through similar experiences to me, often becoming seriously physically or mentally unwell and/or leaving their job or career as a result.
We need to create a culture of trust, where we empower and recognise people who speak up. The law must be changed to offer proper support and protection to employees suffering workplace abuse, including those who are bullied, and no matter how long they have been employed.
We, as a society, need to be able to hold to account the companies who enable workplace bullying and other abusive behaviour, and make it impossible for them to look the other way. We need to create and nurture a culture of happiness, wellbeing and success.
As a result of my experiences, I have founded Happy Successful Me, and we are on a mission to make the world a happier and kinder place through Coaching, Community and Change. Through our bespoke, expert Coaching, we empower women to overcome adversity, such as bullying in the workplace, break free from the things that are holding them back, and take back control. We work with women to enable them to identify what they really want, to fulfil their true unique potential and flourish, empowering them to live their best life, and make the impact they were born to make.
I share my story with you in the hope that it encourages and empowers you and others to speak up, to invite you to join our incredible Community, to give you the opportunity to transform and live your best life, and to let you know that if you have been through something similar to me, you are not alone.
Together, we can create a movement to redefine our workplace culture, where bullying and unwanted behaviour is no longer tolerated, we can work together to cultivate a society of happiness, positivity and success, and support and empower each other to be our best selves, and create lasting impactful change.
If you are being subjected to bullying or any other form of abuse in the workplace and would like to get in touch in complete confidence, please email me at: emma@happysuccessfulme.com, or check out our facebook page: www.facebook.com/happysuccessfulmecoaching/
Wishing you happiness and success!
Emma Penelope, Founder of Happy Successful Me
