A Brief Look Into How I’m Procrastinating

(I’m not posting any pictures. Wandering around the Internet looking for appropriate images would just make me lose my focus.)

It’s a blazing hot Indian afternoon as I write this article, after what seems like months of procrastination and uneasiness. Frustrated with my laziness and my lack of interest in what I want, instead of what I like, I’m penning this down in yet another typical moodlet consisting of “I’m talking too much about myself” and “Is anyone seeing what I write?” emotions.

For the past- oh, I don’t know, an indeterminate amount of weeks- I’ve been waddling around in the endless sea of procrastination, trying to “figure stuff out”, primarily in the following aspects:

Exhibit A: When will I resume writing my fanfiction story? I have two ideas, unused, undeveloped, just sitting there on my file system, as I ignore it for the Big Bang Theory and other similar tosh.

Exhibit B: When will I start working on my programming skills? It’s pretty clear to me in the past month that it’s near impossible to find a software that helps me learn Java or Python at my own pace without being online. Plus, all efforts of downloading JCreator seems moot, so when will I start working on my programming interests?

Exhibit C: My TANCET exam preparations. For those who are unfamiliar with the subject, TANCET is kind of an entrance exam conducted by Anna University, a famous college over here in South India, for admission into its affiliated colleges for postgraduate degrees such as MCA, MBA, M.Tech and so on. I worked out exactly one question paper so far, and I wasn’t impressed at my result- so when will I work on that? There’s only four days left for the examination! (I imagine a hypothetical scene where my relatives accuse me of being “lazy” and “unproductive” and “being on the computer all day”. It’s the truth, though…)

Using these three exhibits as an excuse to “think through stuff”, I discover that I’ve been putting off doing those actions by thinking them. As I wake up early in the morning, I think, “I really need to get some writing done”, or “I really need to blog about something productive or useful”, or “I really need to prepare for the TANCET exam”, and end the day watching some random Big Bang Theory episode for the millionth time, pissed off at myself for being lazy, and promising myself to work harder the next day.

And repeating the same set of actions the next day, almost like an infinite loop. I wanted to write several posts about travel and programming and whatnot, but I put it off because it seemed “selfish” and “useless”. Now I wonder, who am I to determine stuff as useless or selfish? That’s left entirely in the hands of the reader- my task is to simply type up a post regarding the topic I like, and leave it at that. What’s the point in me determining its usefulness?

The answers to my procrastination came up to me- naturally, of course, while I was doing more procrastination- during our monthly power shutdown here. I read Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers, purely for accomplishing a goal to read more, when I realize- I’ve just been putting stuff away by only thinking about them. It’s like programming- there’s no point writing a program if you don’t execute it, right?

So, my (temporary) solutions to the three exhibits of problems I face currently:

Exhibit A: Continue writing. A word, a sentence, or even a paragraph a day. Blog as much as I can, write as much as I can- after my entrance exams are finished.

Exhibit B: Do online programming, and to hell with the Internet provider if he decides to sap up more of my balance. If it means more time away from the Web, I suppose it’s a risk worth taking.

Exhibit C: Just continue preparing for TANCET, that’s about it.

There. I think I modified my solution to “write more” and “code more” to “continue writing” and “continue coding”. I wonder if that’s self-improvement? I suppose I’ll never know. But it’s worth thinking about. And not procrastinate by not thinking about it as unnecessary or required.

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