The Power of Listening

Hareem Baig
Nov 1 · 4 min read
Good Studio/Adobe Stock

Have you ever been in a conversation where the other person would not stop talking and you are just standing there waiting for them to finish, so you can speak up? If yes, it has most probably resulted in you being annoyed and eventually losing interest in what they have to say. Have you ever thought that this non-stop talking person could be you? And now if this indicates that speaking isn’t exactly the right way to get people interested in you, then what is? It is important to listen to others as much as you think it is important that you be heard too.

When you see a group photograph that you are in, whose picture do you look for first?

Its human nature to put ourselves first and be able to express. This nature of ours helps us in many ways, we can save ourselves from manipulation and we can create art. But when it comes to making friends, establishing deep connections and negotiating, it’s better to be interested than trying to be interesting and failing miserably. Dale Carnegie in his famous book How to Win Friends & Influence People wrote about his loving dog Tippy: “You never read a book on psychology, Tippy. You didn’t need to. You knew by some divine instinct that you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

Listening to understand others isn’t easy, there is a constant urge to interrupt the other person, defend our opinion, ourselves or show that we know better. It requires patience and it asks you to be a bit vulnerable. Yet, it is all worth it but what exactly listening more and being genuinely interested in people gives you exactly:

Helps you connect

What is the best way to make a new friend? Find a point of connection. During my first week at a tuition centre, I had a great problem making new friends. It had been 4 days and I hadn’t interacted with a single person there, I had a feeling that I might not make any friends here, that I’ll be bored to death and miserable. But that day I sat next to a girl who was reading Clockwork Princess and I asked her about it. That was our point of connection from then onwards she lent me her books, helped me with projects and introduced me to her friends. Soon we were quoted as the H sisters because both of our names started with H.

Makes it more likely of you to win a negotiation

When you know what the other person wants from the negotiation you have a better chance at targeting that point and winning the negotiation. And the best way to know what the other person wants is to listen. Recently I had a chance to have a food stall at a festival. There a fellow stallholder came to us for our most expensive item, asking it for almost free. She talked about how fellow stallholder should help each other and how she had been working hard and deserves that huge discount. Had we done so we would have faced loss, so we politely refused her. Yet she was persistent, so I listened to what she had to say and waited for her to finish. Then I simply told her that if she is working hard she’ll know we are working hard too and would understand why we can’t give her that discount. She understood and bought that item for each member at her stall. Here, our fellow stallholder felt entitled to that discount because she was working hard and failed to realize that others were doing the same.

Earn trust

When you listen to what others have to say you validate their desire for respect and attention. This allows them the pleasure of feeling cared for and they trust someone who cares for them. When my younger brother asked me to convince his friend’s mother, to allow him to attend a debating competition at my university, I was a bit confused on how to do that. I didn’t understand why would she even stop him. But it all became clear when I talked to her. Just after the greeting she abruptly told me that she simply would not allow her son to participate and when I tried to tell her how beneficial it would be for him, she wasn’t concerned and rudely said told me that she knew how beneficial it is for young boys to mingle with people way older than him. At that moment I realized that she was concerned for his safety and I turned the whole conversation towards how secure and friendly the university environment was and assured her that I’ll personally keep an eye on the boys. She realized I would take care of them and trusted me, allowing her son to attend the competition.

So listen up guys because it’s for your own good.

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