Recently I noticed (its always there) a ton of news headlines on crimes against women around the world. The horrifying incident in Manipur really got me thinking- Why are women often targeted as victims of crime?
I stumbled upon a research paper answering a very rare question: Why do men rape?
Author Madhumita Pandey (psychologist) went on to interview 100 convicted rapists in Tihar Jail , New Delhi, India. She emphasizes on the fact that these men were not extraordinary monsters but products of their upbringing and thought process. Here I have simplified her findings and similar researches:
Unraveling the Complex Minds of Perpetrators
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), approximately 1 in 3 women experience sexual violence in their lifetime. Rapes have become so common that only the brutal ones shock us. When these cases are reported everyone focus on two things: How to punish the accused? and what women should do to prevent rapes?
We label these men (rapists) as “monsters” and “animals”. We demand capital punishment for the perpetrator and focus only on the victim. This doesn’t mean we should justify the action of these criminals. But in order to solve the problem of rapes, we need to understand the rapists first. Sherry Hamby, editor of Psychology Of Violence, has said:
“If you don’t really understand perpetrators, you’re never going to understand sexual violence.”
Researchers assert that when they talk to rapists they sound like normal individuals. Pandey said many times during the interview she felt sorry for the rapists. She would even forget that they were convicted. Many researchers state that most rapists show no remorse and don’t believe that they’ve perpetrated any serious crime. They show no understanding of the concept of rape itself. They tend to acknowledge forcing themselves on their victims when asked directly. However, when using the term “rape” to describe their actions, they deny it, showing a pattern of denial and psychological resistance to the severity of their actions.
Pandey says that rapists often convince themselves of an alternative reality, called Cognitive Dissonance. For example, A 49-year-old man who had raped a 5-year-old girl stated in an interview with Pandey that the young girl provoked him. That she and her mom had a questionable character that needed to be corrected.
There are many reasons behind Cognitive Dissonance. The rapist could simply believe that his sexual needs are more important, or that the victim was “asking for it”, or that men’s sexual drive is uncontrollable.
This doesn’t mean rapists don’t feel sorry for the victims. But most of the time they chose to blame their victim. Even when they regret it, it’s for an entirely different reason (mostly). The 49-year-old man I mentioned earlier said- “yes I feel bad, I ruined her life. Now she is no longer a virgin, no one would marry her. I would accept her, I will marry her when I come out of jail.” This shows that the he has no understanding of rape and consent. He focuses more on the victim’s honor rather than worrying about the pain she must have gone through.
In “Mad Blood Stirring: The Inner Lives of Violent Men,” author Daemon Fairless explores the roots of male violence. Fairless interviews violent men, including a serial sexual predator and a remorseless killer, to understand the disconnect between their perceived selves and their violent actions. He argues that men often deceive themselves about their aggressive behavior and justify violence. He emphasizes that most violence is committed by ordinary men rather than monsters. He believes that confronting one’s inner demons and understanding the roots of violent desires are essential for personal growth and societal progress. He said-
“I’m a different person after writing this book. I am not the same guy who’s going to get into fights — precisely because I looked inside in a very unpleasant way. I mean, it really tore me apart to write this book.”
Problem:
Men are learning to have false ideas about masculinity, and women are learning to be submissive. Social attitudes are mostly conservative- Sex education is left out of most school curriculums, legislators feel such topics could “corrupt” youth and offend traditional values. Even today we hear cases of female foeticide, reproductive rights challenges, unequal resource distribution affecting a girl child’s health, child marriage, demand for dowries, domestic violence, marital rapes, unequal pay, discrimination, political underrepresentation, healthcare barriers, online harassment, and what not. Certainly, while progress has been made in various aspects, there is still a long and challenging road ahead.
Solution?
The first step would be to accept the fact that there’s a problem with our society. By labeling rapists as monsters and animals we are saving our society from criticism. Research indicates that death penalty doesn’t necessarily solve the problem. It’s just a short term solution to satisfy people. We should focus more on our society and its practices.
What does a society include?
It includes us, our family, our schools and similar institutions (specially media). Until we don’t change these things we can never solve this problem. Taking steps to understand and address gender inequality is the right way ahead. Only by collective efforts and introspection can we create a society where women are truly safe and free from violence.
Thankyou for reading till the end. If you like my content, hit that follow button for more!
