Let’s discover the dream…
My name is Hariom and I’ve dedicated my life to what you won’t read on social media about living the dream.
Using dream life storytelling, I strive to unite our global community and inspire your wanderlust.
Together, we’ll explore life, dreams and the desire.
Now, sit back, relax and let the journey come to you.
I am inspired, excited, and a bit afraid to be sharing this piece with you.
I am creating something that is the deepest expression of my soul and it may be the next step for you to live the life you have always desired…
This is not for the feint of heart. This is for you, if you deeply desire to live a meaningful, purposeful life that makes a positive difference in the world.
“Life has no limitations, except the ones you make.” ~ Les Brown
You have the power to create a life of great worth and value by making good use of your unique gifts and talents.
“SOMEWHERE SOMEONE IS LOOKING FOR EXACTLY WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER.” ~LOUISE HEY
MY MONDAY MORNING:
waking up without an alarm clock, getting up early simply because I’m excited about my day, doing work that I enjoy, feeling the sun on my skin as it streams through the window, taking the time to read the inspirational words of my peers, listening to beautiful music as I wait for the water to heat for my coffee — this is a world away from how Monday mornings used to go for me. Please remember that there is always another way — don’t allow yourself to be limited by what is or what has always been.
The late and inspirational Steve Jobs once said:
“I have looked at myself in the mirror every morning and asked myself, ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ and whenever the answer is ‘no’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”
With his recent passing, this quote has been cited a lot and it has had an impact on me every time I’ve read it. The answer to this question for me has been ‘no’, not just for too many days in a row but for too many years. For me living with integrity is being able to answer that question with a loud and enthusiastic ‘YES!’
It has taken me years to get from there to where I am today and I have no doubt that this delay has been because I’ve resisted and denied my feelings about what being successful truly means for me. I’ve spent a lot of my life feeling at odds with societal norms and associated measures of success, but spent just as long trying to comply with them.
In just over 12 weeks, I will be 25, homeless, unemployed and single and I can’t wait. This impending situation is not accidental, it is through rigorous planning, sheer determination and large amounts of courage, that I will finally be in the position that I want to be in rather than a position that I have forced myself to be in for so many years.
A few years ago, I was a well-respected employee for a retail firm, earning a good salary and I couldn’t have been more miserable. I was bored in my job, I was unhappy in my relationship and I was struggling to reconcile my dreams of adventure and travel with the prospect of settling down.
Defining success for myself
When I found that on paper I looked like the picture of success but in reality I felt like a big fat failure, I had no option but to seriously look at how I was defining success. The first thing I did was to identify what success looked like for me. I asked myself what would my life look like if I were successful and it boiled down to three things.
1. Doing work that I enjoy that also helps other people.
2. Earning enough money to do all of the things I want to do in my life.
3. As a result of 1 and 2, feeling happy and fulfilled.
None of these came as a surprise to me and I started to realize that my definitions of success haven’t really changed over the years. I have always seen helping people as a key measure of my success and as a result I’ve spent the last 1 year working in the retail sector. I’ve also spent most of my career working hard to continuously increase my salary and as a result I’ve paid off all of my debts and earned enough money to travel to some incredible places and do some incredible and exciting things.
So what’s the problem?
It has taken me a long time to realize and acknowledge that working for a charity does not necessarily mean that what I do on a daily basis actually helps people. In my current line of work I rarely get to interact with the people I’m supposedly helping and my work is so far removed from the ‘front line’ that I get no sense of satisfaction that should come from doing something that directly benefits another human being.
The money factor is interesting, yes I earn enough money to do great things and travel to great places and I have done so, but a significant amount of that money is tied up in maintaining the kind of lifestyle that supports me to do the job in the first place and whilst I can afford to spend a few weeks out of every year doing something wonderful, I actually spend the majority of my life doing a job that I don’t enjoy rather than living the life I want to be living.
Finally, if I don’t feel satisfied that the work I do actually does help people and the money I earn is mainly spent on maintaining a lifestyle I don’t particularly want, then there is no real chance of feeling happy and fulfilled in my life.
What this exercise showed me is that whilst my measures of success haven’t really changed over the years, I have, however, begun to realize that my methods to achieve those successes haven’t been working. That’s when it dawned on me that things had to change.
I’m sure some people might see quitting my job, my home and heading over to the other side of the world as a tad drastic, but I feel I’ve struggled to fit in with a set of ideas about success that simply don’t correlate with who I am for long enough. Having battled with my dreams and myself for too many years now, I’m no longer in a position to compromise on what success means for me. Drastic times call for drastic measures.
I know that there is meaningful and fulfilling work for me to do in this world and as long as my energy and time is being drained by a 9–5 job, I’ll never give myself a good enough chance to discover it.
Look around you
Redefining how I achieve success in life has obviously been a process that I’ve been undergoing for months and even years now, I am sharing that process of transformation for you.
“You are the master of your destiny. You can influence, direct and control your own environment. You can make your life what you want it to be.” ~ Napoleon Hill
Position A: The Comfort Zone
You find yourself in your comfort zone, which we’ll call position A. This is where most of us live most of the time. Within position A everything is familiar. Everything feels within your control (or so you think). There are few surprises here. Little space for fresh thinking or new experiences.
But it’s not perfect for you. (Let’s be honest you wouldn’t be reading this post if it was).
You feel bored and restless. You come to realise that spending the rest of your days nestled safely within your comfort zone is not a viable option.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~ Mark Twain
Leaving position A: In search of something bigger
Do you have a nagging feeling that there is more to life?
I’m here to tell you that big dreams can come true.
So you start to dream. You start to envision something new. Something bigger than your current position — your vision of what is possible expands and your current life feels small by comparison. You allow yourself to feel the excitement and rush of achievement that you believe would come from eventually realising your dream and you start to wonder about the steps it might take to get you there.
Position B: The place where you transform
Commit to your dream and take action
Why fear is such an important part of my life
You are at the threshold of B and you’ve taken the first step, maybe even two or three in the direction of your dreams. The initial high of taking action has died down. In its place, something else is stirring, your mind has started racing with thoughts of possible failure. Questions like Who am I to have an impact on the world? and What could I possibly offer the world? flood your mind. Your attempts to take further action get lost in overwhelm and procrastination which are promptly followed by shame. Why can’t I do what I need to do to achieve my dream? which is quickly followed by thoughts like Maybe I just don’t want this enough and maybe I’m not cut out for this sort of thing. Suddenly you find yourself in a position where you feel worse than you did in position A and you start focusing on the craziness of that. You started this journey to feel better, to feel happier and more fulfilled. Instead you’re now feeling filled with fear, uncertainty and shame. This wasn’t the plan.
Running back to comfort
You start looking at A . It doesn’t look so bad from here.in fact it looks pretty cushy. The safe job, the regular bills. The known and the comfortable life.So you start to turn back.Once you are back at position A you can breath again. what a relief! you tell yourself , I don’t need to change my life, I should be happy with what I have. And for a while this works . For a while you are okay. Life seems okay. Easier, less stressful and you like because you feel better which is really you wanted at the first place. With time (how much varies from person to person), the whole process starts up again and what felt easier soon shifts to unbearable once again. This can take weeks, months and in some cases years.Some people will repeat the A to B and back to A process over and over until they die. But don’t despair, there is another way.
Another way: Getting B through C
So here is my truth about transformation:
You have to navigate the stormy seas of fear, doubt and insecurity before you can reach the calm shores of your success and the live that you dreamed of.
Rather than spend your life perpetually bumping up against the edges of your comfort zone and living in a cruel cycle from boredom to anxiety and back again, you can instead accept that what happens when you leave your comfort zone and head in the direction of your dreams is to be expected. Not only that but it’s perfectly normal and it’s something that every successful human being has gone through and survived. There isn’t a person on this planet that hasn’t experienced fear and self-doubt in the pursuit of their dreams. The only difference between those that make it and those that don’t is navigating your way through it.
I’m not saying this is easy, but in my opinion it’s a damn sight easier than repeating A to B and back to A again. So how can you navigate this process so that you reach your dream life? There are many ways that have worked for me and for my clients, too many to cover in detail here but I’ll share a few to get you started.
Recognising that everything comes from thought: When we can see that the world around us is created from thought, we start to see the potential to create something different.
Creating the space for fresh thinking: Rather than battle with our existing thoughts and think more positively, like a lot of personal growth advice would suggest, we can instead learn how to create space for new thinking to emerge. This expands our view and allows us to see things differently (a crucial component of transformation).
Asking better questions: One way to see things differently is to ask better questions. Which question do you think gets more useful answers from our subconscious mind? Why am I so terrible at taking action? or What positive changes could I make right now to take more action today? Change your questions and you change your life.
Focusing on the one thing: Rather than using the excuse of overwhelm to procrastinate and wallow in indecision, we can learn to focus on the one thing that will move us forward today, this week or this month.
Moving from knowing to doing: Many people get stuck in the place of needing to know more before they take the leap. Trust me when I tell you that you will never learn in a book what you will learn from trying and failing or trying and succeeding. It is only in action that the real learning takes place.
Adopting a fluid self-concept: Stop telling yourself who you are and what your limitations are. If you feel shy and awkward today, there is nothing other than your own thoughts standing in the way of you being confident and articulate tomorrow. If you believe you can, you can and if you believe you can’t, guess what? You can’t.
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