So much in the “Draft”

Harmeet Singh
Sep 8, 2018 · 4 min read

Ok, so here I go. There has been always something pulling me back from publishing my thought (not writing, but publishing). Have been active on blogging sites like BlogSpot and Wordpress, but all these years the only thing that kept growing was the count next to the “Drafts” label. Pushing that “Publish” button was never easy.

The reasons for the behaviour are not something I don’t know. Here are a few.

Fear of Evaluation

I remember hearing this first time in a “Public Speaking” class in college. Attending this class was a nightmare itself and the teacher told us the exact reason for the behaviour — Fear of Evaluation.

All this looks ridiculous with hindsight now when I have read the reasons in some of the books on human behaviour and evolution but it has already played a critical role in my life. We, the humans, have always been much comfortable when in a group. This had an advantage when groups of hunter-gatherers embarked on life threatening hunting journeys that tested their co-ordination and synchronisation techniques to limits and in the process, evolution rewarded the survivors with easy algorithms called “emotions” built into their bodies to judge the situation and decide without doing much thinking and spending much time. Time made the difference between dead and alive for our ancestors living in those times.

Sadly, emotions that helped our ancestors survive become chains for a contemporary human getting enough food, living in peacetime guaranteed by the governments and getting healthcare when needed. Expressing oneself becomes difficult when one fears “the group” judging him/her as it may result in alienation of the outlier according to our instincts.

Immutable Thought Fallacy

My thoughts, like everyone else’s, are shaped by my beliefs and values. Everyday when I live my life as steered by these two, I keep learning and unlearning a lot of stuff. The composition of my thoughts is hence in no fixed state but in a continuum and at a particular time, the thoughts that are penned down can be thought of as an instantaneous sample. A new book next week, a conversation with a colleague next day, or a political news next minute can change something at the very core and if I keep that documented version very close to me, it would definitely hurt to see it not holding relevant any more.

This, trust me, holds back many of us from documenting things. As I discover that my thoughts are subject to evolution, the fear of being evaluated and judged by someone whose thoughts (I think) may have evolved beyond mine, kicks in and there are two possible outcomes. Either I accept that, make amends to my version and understanding and move on with knowledge OR I decide to stick to what I said and prepare to argue with anyone who disagrees.

This feeling that once I publish something today, may no longer be relevant and final word of wisdom one day (even when I judge it myself), is what I call the “Immutable thought fallacy”. I find this dialog from the movie TROY very encouraging and assuring that vulnerability is not as bad as it seems -

I’ll tell you a secret. Something they don’t teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we’re mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again. — Achilles

I am 100% sure I will find this story ridiculous in a day or two when I revisit my medium page :)

The Extremistan System

The traditional systems that we live in mostly follow a normal distribution. That is, if we measure human height across nations and continents and plot it, we will find that there will be people with above average height and there will some with below average as well. But they will be outliers and most of the population would fall in the “average” region. Such systems within which the samples exhibit such behaviour are termed Mediocristan systems by eminent author Nicholas Nissim Taleb.

Source: Wikipedia

This however does not hold true in some other systems called Extremistan systems where the distribution is much skewed. Example- wealth distribution. 1% of the population controlling 90% of total wealth of the world while most of the humanity living in the middle-class/lower income groups.

Internet, and hence blogging/microblogging fall under the exterimistan system if we believe Mr. Taleb. There can be a random video of no value doing rounds on social media for no reason and at the same time there may a very beautiful documentary getting a modest number of views. So the probabilities are not very clear and this is where most “Black Swan” events occur.

Though the upside is great, my wrong point of view going viral for unknown reasons may give me a really tough time with all sort of people waiting to get offended by a political/religious/economical/<anything random here> view expressed on my blog. Now given that the unwanted distraction and the pressure to reply and argue demands time and energy, I try to avoid the situation at the first step itself.

Candle in Daylight

When there is so much written about the topics that I needed help on, and it was there when I needed it, why add another piece and clutter the internet further?

And there are many more…

So here is my late year resolution. With this story, I am going to start my journey of overcoming the fears/blocks and start publishing rather than bloating drafts.

Wish me luck if you are reading till this far.

Harmeet Singh

Written by

Software professional | Neo-Generalist | Non-Fiction Reader

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