personal eclipse

i gave him a deadline that was my birthday. but it was also just a deadline. i didn’t know it wouldn’t matter to me at all in a week. i forgot the way time can move and swoop like a parabola, all steep curve until suddenly you’re approaching infinity and the view is fine. steady even, just a hair closer every plot point but you dont even have to arrive anywhere. i forgot your life can feel like traffic going by; it can feel inevitable, already decided, following rules made up by everyone who came before you. i forgot life can feel like getting off a freeway at the wrong exit, just for the sake of quitting. i forgot the things my heart is capable of, or even how it feels about me deep down. i forgot all of this until the eclipse came. i forgot even when i looked around at the accessories i had lined up to field my emotions and thought hey nothing happened. why am i so bad at looking? at 28, lord, i pray you make me less blind. i want to see the light peeking out behind the dark planet moving. i want to see the halo instead of the gloom.