tipping the scale

i’ve always been bad at measuring time. everything bad seems like it will last forever; everything good seems like a fluke that will slip away as soon as the universe realizes its mistake. i’m not sure why i trust the universe to bring me bad things and not good, that’s something i’m in the process of trying to figure out. surely, picking away at every good thing that happens to me undermines it from within. surely, acquiescing to the bad like it’s an inevitability increases the power of those things in my life.

i haven’t read that culty, tea-brain book The Secret, but from what i’ve gathered, the gist is that you can control your world by thinking scenarios and situations into being. while that obviously sounds like nonsense, i’m not sure i totally disagree with the premise. it seems like if we can stay focused on what we actually want, we behave in ways that will bring it closer to us. it’s possible to ditch your old shitty, knee-jerk reactions if you fully understand they don’t lead you to what you want. how many times have i been too scared to admit what i really want, pretending instead that “fate” or the world’s tipped scale of bad luck had slid me off again? when the fact is, the only hand tipping the scale is mine.

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