The Lemming Report — 10 — Parties, Foods and Cookery.

I am now 2 days past the birthday, partied out and tired. The kindness of friends and guests proved delightful and I am now in a situation where I can easily drink myself stupid for some weeks should I be that foolish.

Great flattery for my hosting and cookery prowess. The fellow host, the charming cat was in her heaven being flattered by all who admire her looks and manners. We are both trying to rest, she to catch up on those hours she lost in the past few days from her 22 hour daily naps and me to just try relaxing.

Now: how to be a successful host. First know your personal abilities, the size of your quarters and the facilities you have for preparation and service. If you live in a bedsit with minute kitchen and you own four plates and a few cups and glasses, don’t try for a dinner party effort. Judge just how many guests would be comfortable in your space. If you have been managing to prepare some nice items of food for yourself and feel that you can share them comfortably, start with these. You can resort to take-aways or prepared things from supermarkets but that’s is neither my style nor preference. Unless you like packaging, as most of these dishes offer more promise than content. Do not attempt to serve something you have never made before, test it on yourself. For clues to this silly behaviour, watch “Come Dine With Me”.

You might begin with a variation on a cocktail party. A selection of drinks (and ice) for cocktail making (tricky, so leave the fancy concoctions to those bars which exploit suckers with drinks which actually contain less spirits than you think) or serve wine along with still or sparkling water and fruit juice. I never push alcolholic beverages on people and loathe those do. I am hopefully addressing you who are not among the burgeoning populase who drink to get drunk rather than drinking socially and getting mildly tiddly. Start to entertain in this manner and produce some palatable offerings as well as nuts, crisps, olives, biscuits and a bowl of vegetables, carrots, celery, tiny tomatoes, radishes, etc. In bite size pieces please. A simple canape that I find everyone liked were hard boiled eggs cut lengthwise in half or quarters and topping each segment with a blob of mayonaisse and adding a bit of lumpfish caviar. You needn’t make your own mayonaisse as i do. I can consume quantities of the stuff. A very simple canape is bread and butter which is also unexpected. Buy flavourful artisanal breads or rolls and cut them into attractive and thin slices, butter them thinly (I use unsalted butter), arrange nicely on plate or tray and watch the bits disappear into your guests. The bread should be as fresh and crisp as possible. With the heavier and denser breads I freshen them briefly in a hot oven, let them return to room temperature and then cut. Really nicer than crisps and far more nutricious. Of course, food snob that I am, I bake most of the breads I serve. Very good therapy and exercise kneading it, a huge saving in money over buying similar. I make 3 to 6 loaves and freeze most of them and dole them out after thawing and using the above mentioned trick for re-baking them. You might schedule this party to start early evening and end soon enough for people to go on to a proper meal.

The same application is for those fortunate enough to live in larger quarters. Start small and easy and within your time and material constraints. More and more persons live alone or together without the bonds of matrimony. Sadly, no wedding, no gifts and it costs a lot to equip a kitchen plus all those requirements with which to serve food. I cautioned a friend in this predicament who wanted to charm his female friends at a lower cost than dining them in restaurants. He asked my help from my expertise. I laughed until I considered the expense of acquiring the accoutraments for serving the lady of choice an omelette, salad, some wine and a store bought dessert. A simple start but from scratch a lot more than Maison Chic.I explained that he would have to change his life style and also dine by himself to merit the expenditure which would then over a period balance his books. I told him that although most professional chefs and staff are men, an extra kudos for entertaining chez him is the appreciation this merits. It is sad that the lady of the house who does this daily is taken for granted while the gent is a God.

In future installments I will add to this with further instruction. In the meantime, happy dining. If you follow me it is dining not eating which is the key to the experience, and it needn’t be “fine” just good.

RSVP your thoughts.