Dear Ex

an ode to relationships that didn’t end particularly well

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

I sometimes think about you and I can’t help but feel like our story just trailed off without an appropriate conclusion or at least a stable state. I did my best Internet sleuthing to find you. It wasn’t easy; I bet you are blocking me on a lot of networks. But I found you.

I feel a need for closure. Enough time has passed that I don’t really feel any ill will toward you. As time goes on, I have grown to understand our relationship was more nuanced than I gave it credit for and I was inexperienced and didn’t handle much if it well.

I’ve grown to understand that everyone has to grow and mature at some point and in that process they leave collateral damage behind. Hearts get broken. You get a little jaded. But I am who I am today in part because of what we once were.

But even though I am very much at peace with the fact that our relationship didn’t work out (and boy did it not work out in the most emotionally fucked up ways), I hate that we drifted off on poor terms.

Relationships shouldn’t have to end like that. I haven’t experienced real love much, but one of the few times I did, it was love for you, and I believe that at some point you felt that way about me too. I still keep in regular contact with people I don’t even like that much!

I don’t want us to try to erase one another from each other’s lives. I don’t want us to be together again, or even for us to be close friends. I just want us to be able to be Facebook friends and be able to smile when we read each other’s life milestones. When one of us is in the other’s city, I hope we can have coffee and chat briefly.

I hope you’re doing great.