Shit happens

I used to think it was totally normal, to feel like you constantly want to be asleep. To always stay inside of your own head, never trying to branch out, make new friends. To sit in silence while you're screaming in your mind, about what, i couldn’t tell you. I’ve come to realize its not, no matter how many times i wish it was. It is so hard to explain. Why I want to cry right now, why I constantly want to curl up in a ball of weeping despair, with nothing to actually cause it. My life isn’t bad, i have good things going for me, and I know this. That’s why I feel so selfish when I try to explain how alone and sad I constantly feel, because there are people that have it worse than me. I get overwhelmed by these emotions, every single day. It never stops, not even for a second. For the past six months it has gotten progressively worse, and it scares me. I don’t want to read or write or do anything i used to enjoy anymore. This article, is the first thing i have written in months, I used to do it every single day. I used to be so wrapped up in books until my head would hurt from reading so much. I have to force myself to go to work, I have to force myself to interact with people. And it’s not that i’m being bitchy, or anti social, I just don’t have the energy. I wake up every day with this same foggy zombie feeling in my head and it NEVER goes away. I try to look on the bright side. I try not to cry over literally NOTHING. I try not to let it take over my life but, i’m not even myself anymore.I snap at people about nothing and then apologize and I don’t know why!!!!!!!!!! I get so irritated, and so angry at the tiniest thing. Like, as i’m typing this, every time I mess up or have to go back to fix something i can feel my nerves coming undone. Nothing excuses it, I know that, I know I need to control it better. It is the worst feeling in the world. I have no desire to hurt myself, but every day I wake up and i just want to go back to sleep. I want to sleep forever. I’ve recently been on the search for help, alternate things to medicine. I want to go to counseling, but it’s impossible. I have no way. I try to meditate when my chest gets tight, when i feel like my heads going to explode. I can’t focus long enough to do anything, I’ve lost all motivation. But shit happens

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