[2 Minute Read] — Unless You Read Slightly Faster or Slower Than Average

This article is a 2 minute read, but it could take slightly longer than that if you’re a slower than average reader. If you read slightly faster than average, this will take a little less than 2 minutes to read. But the general point is this will take 2 minutes to read.

Well, if you get distracted from reading this it will take you longer than 2 minutes to read. If the reason for your distraction is small, say you get hungry and need to grab that granola bar that’s in your backpack or purse, well then that will only slow you down for about 15 seconds. A 2 minute and 15 second read.

Unless the granola bar is really hard to open or is lost in your backpack, then it could take longer for you to finish this piece, especially if the granola bar is both lost in your backpack and really hard to open and then your mom calls.

In that case, you’ll have to eat the granola bar after the call because it’s rude to eat on the phone, especially if it’s your mom. So, it’ll take you anywhere between 4 and 75 minutes to read this depending on how much your mom rambles. But if that doesn’t happen, this should take about 2 minutes to read. It says so in the top right corner of this article.

If you skip a few sentences though, it will take you less than two minutes to read this, and if you only read the headline and feel like you’ve gotten the gist of this piece, then this is about a 2 second read. Unless, of course, you have trouble reading the slightly wonky headline to this piece. In that case, it could take you an extra 1.0-1.5 seconds to read. But what’s important is that this should take you about 2 minutes to read.

On the other hand, if you begin reading this and then stop reading it and never finish it, well then this is a forever minute read. It will take all the minutes from now until the universe explodes into an abysmal oblivion to read this.

Or maybe you never see this article, or you can’t read English, or you maybe you can’t read at all. If that’s the case this is a never minute read. Why am I writing this paragraph in the second person directed at people who will never read this? I don’t know, do you?

The point is this is a 2 minute read, and you need to know that. Because what’s life if you can’t schedule every minute of it?