Lazy Journalist Never Got The Information Necessary to Complete This Article

By Stephen Stewart

A person or some sort of animal, I never asked, was struck by a car was it yesterday or the day before? The injuries he, or was it a she, sustained were either fatal or they were very minimal and they left the scene of the accident under their own power.

“This sandwich is actually pretty good,” is what I said after eating a turkey sandwich on a hero with pepper jack cheese, mayo, lettuce, tomato, and onion at a bodega on 86th and 1st street. No attempts to interview anyone who witnessed the accident were made because I got hungry after getting to the scene so I ate a sandwich instead.

A police report was filed after the accident but I’ve been watching Friends on Netflix and never got a chance to check it out.

Word around the office is the person driving the car may have been intoxicated. They may have also fled the scene after brandishing a firearm and threatening multiple witnesses and could be considered incredibly dangerous.

But really I can’t be sure cause I never looked into it. I did look into a video of a piglet slipping on ice and can report it is very cute.

There’s a chance this whole thing is just an episode of Law and Order I watched and confused with reality.

Anyway, rather than figure out how to end this, the writer of this article chooses to take a nap.