READ THIS! I’M A PERSON WITH OPINIONS I REFUSE TO KEEP TO MYSELF

I’m glad you clicked on this. I hope you’re ready to be opinionated to the face. Because I have an opinion, no, I have a big heaping pile of opinions that I can’t keep to myself. Blue is the best color. I refuse to keep them to myself. I must share them.

I believe every opinion I have is important, and I need to have an opinion on everything so people think I’m an intelligent person who takes part in his society, culture and history. I don’t know. Just my opinion.

Syria: bad. Jelly: mushy. Grieving: don’t.

Oh, and did you see how I threw in that opinion about the color blue a couple of paragraphs ago? I threw it out there real subtle like. Just hid it between a couple sentences. You might have missed it. So, let me restate: I like blue. But not baby blue or robin’s egg blue. No. Navy blue is the only blue that matters. It’s the best. BOOM! There, I said it. Do you agree or disagree? Take a stance for Christ’s sake! I know I will. I disagree. There, I did it again. I shared another opinion.

I don’t like navy blue. It’s terrible. Baby blue and robin’s egg blues are the only blues that matter. I bet you don’t have the balls to do that, disagree with yourself. That’s an opinion I have about you. If you don’t like it, well, get over it, cause that’s my opinion, and I’m the kind of person who has to share them. All of them.

Hey, pay attention. I’m sharing opinions here.

Music, blam-o, I’ve got an opinion: The Beatles were underrated and Dave Matthews rocks faces. Sports, kapow, I’ve got an opinion: The Mets overachieve and Angela Merkel has the physique to be a world class wrestler. Politics, kersplat, I’ve got an opinion: see previous opinion. Boom! That’s cross-over opinion. Onomonopia, kablooie, I’ve got an opinion: sounds as words are confusing because words aren’t sounds unless their spoken out loud.

Do you agree or disagree! TAKE A STANCE!

Are you even reading this! Do I have to grab your collar and shake you to pay attention? I hope not because t-shirts are better than collared shirts.

Oh wait.

Did you hear that?

Huh, that was weird. I thought I heard something.

Oh wait, I hear it again! It’s another opinion flying at your face.

Nam, not a good war. Take that in, let that marinate, but only for another second cause I got another opinion coming at you hot and heavy. Umbrellas are silly. There! Said it! You’ve been opinioned.

Everything I think or feel is important. It must be validated. Validate me! Where are you going? Stop walking away. I’ve got more opinions to share! Hey! Well, if you’re going to keep walking, check out my Facebook page. I’ve got tons of opinions there.

BIG LIST OF OPINIONS IN BULLETED FORM (THE BEST FORM FOR LISTS):

  • Bananas are scary!
  • Clowns are just men trying to dress as Victorian-era rich women!
  • I like Twitter!
  • Fans feel nice when they blow air on my face on the medium setting!
  • Octopus are emotionless killing machines!
  • My family doesn’t like me that much!
  • I’m not as loud as I could be!
  • Slayer rages faces!
  • Miley Cyrus rages faces!
  • Trading Spaces rages faces!
  • I don’t like it when the middle toe on my right foot falls asleep!
  • Though it feels kinda nice in an erotic way!
  • Red wine is more purple than red!
  • Eating is good!
  • Sleeping is like daily death!
  • I’ve got a nice round booty!
  • Only you can prevent forest fires!
  • One must learn the lyrics to “Sweet Caroline” if one wants to ever have a good time at a bar with a jukebox!
  • Bars with jukeboxes are the only bars that matter!
  • Math is hard!
  • Science is cool!
  • English is a difficult language if you aren’t a native speaker!
  • My fingers look like toes!
  • I’m pro proverbs!
  • Pro bono work takes advantage of you!
  • Pro Bono music is awesome. U2 rages faces!