Roving Young Journalist Hopes to Get Out There And Write Article About Article Someone Else Wrote About Video Someone Else Made Based on Somebody Else’s Video

by Harry Barron

Speaking to reporters from the shadows of a parking garage, roving young journalist Dennis McDonald explained that he just wants to get out there and do the reporting that the world needs.

“I went to the best journalism school in the country. I was the editor-in-chief of that school’s seminal, groundbreaking newspaper. And now, I’m ready to get out into the real world and do some incredible, modern-day reporting. I’m going to do everything I can to hunt down a scoop and write an eye-opening expose about an article another journalist wrote about an article some other journalist wrote about a video someone else made about a dog and a canary falling in love that was a follow-up video to a video about that same dog befriending a family of deer back in 2006,” McDonald said as he pulled his fedora lower on his head and hugged his plaid sportcoat closer to his body.

“I don’t care what it takes. I am going to report the stories that need to be reported. Like the thinkpiece I’ll write about a takedown piece about another thinkpiece that highlighted the anti-feminist sentiment in a comment made on a video of a different dog befriending a family of raccoons.”

At press time, McDonald could be seen in his bedroom muttering the word, “Pulitzer” under his breath and constantly refreshing his Twitter feed to see if his tweet about a Buzzfeed article that attacked a comment on a Tumblr post about a viral Instagram post about a man who ate too much pizza had any retweets.