On being chronically depressed and suicidal
Winnie Lim

One thing that helped me when I was younger (in my 20s, 30s and 40s) was the idea of proportionality. “Life is short.” Obviously, but I started to look at this idea in a different way: Suppose I have to suffer this existence for another 40, 50, 60 years? Compared to the 13.82 billion years for which I was not alive and the eternity I will not be in the future, 80, 90, 100 years is a flash, a blip. Once you’re dead, you’re gone and never coming back — so why not let this minuscule time of life play out?

Sadly, this doesn’t work for me at 52, with several chronic illnesses that limit my ability to do the things I most enjoy. Add in the work stress and constant struggle to maintain a relatively large house and grounds all by myself, and the concept of joy is inconceivable now. But this is all because of my unique personal history and circumstances — I hope my “You have eternity to be dead, but only an infinitesimal time to live in comparison” theory can be of use to others.

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.