Moving back to India just after MS from the US

There is already a plethora of content where individuals have shared their experiences and reasons on the decision to return to India from Western countries, predominantly the US. Some relocate during their retirement, others after the birth of their first child, some following the expiration of their Optional Practical Training (OPT), while some are compelled to move, and yet others choose to do so willingly. In my case, I made the choice to return to India immediately after completing my MS in the US, which is quite uncommon.

As I sit here at the Delhi airport, it’s 3:15 am and I find myself contemplating whether I made a foolish decision. Writing this article, I am awaiting the break of dawn, ensuring it’s safe to book a cab. Admittedly, given that I resided in Atlanta, where a mass shooting incident occurred just a kilometer away from my home, I don’t have many grievances about the crime situation in India.

It’s intriguing how even when I order the standard coffee from Costa Coffee, it doesn’t taste the same. It’s neither the familiar flavor of Indian coffee from my life before the US nor does it resemble the taste I remember from sipping on an iced caramel latte in my lab just a month ago. It serves as a perfect metaphor for the changes that have taken place here. It might sound overly dramatic, considering I was away for only 22 months. Yet, perhaps it’s not India that has changed the most, but rather, it’s me. I realize that 22 months may seem like a short duration, but when it comes to measuring the impact of time, experiences hold far greater significance. After all, time is truly relative!

I find myself reluctant to pen yet another article delving into the reasons behind my decision to return, mainly because I don’t have any groundbreaking insights to offer. Countless well-crafted articles, books, and videos have already covered the topic thoroughly, leaving little for me to contribute. However, what I would like to share is how I mentally prepared myself to embrace this decision. I believe I possess some valuable insights that can assist others in similar situations. Moreover, if properly abstracted, many of these reflections can be applied to a wide range of life choices. So, without further ado, the remainder of this blog comprises a collection of random thoughts that have been circulating in my mind and are relevant to this discussion. There is no specific order to them, but some may prove more beneficial than others depending on one’s individual circumstances. Personally, I found the final point to be the most valuable, which is why I have provided a more detailed elaboration on it.

Novelty vs Utility

Recall the last time you witnessed a sky painted entirely in shades of orange. Undoubtedly, you found it breathtakingly beautiful. Yet, I would argue that there is nothing inherently more captivating about an orange sky compared to a blue one. Its beauty stemmed from the rarity of the event itself.

Relocating to the United States offers a multitude of new experiences. Having spent a significant amount of time in India, immersing oneself in an entirely different culture, in a country that differs vastly in almost every aspect, inevitably exposes one to numerous disparities. This also leads to a lot of novel experiences! From small things like checking out at grocery stores to big things like commuting, things are different. Novelty possesses a magnetic allure — it injects a burst of excitement into our lives, invigorates our growth, and bestows us with new perspectives.

However, it is crucial to recognize that novelty is transient and challenging to sustain. When making comparisons between two things, we must exercise caution in discerning whether our attraction stems solely from their novelty or if they genuinely contribute utility to our lives. While moving to the US offers an abundance of novel experiences that may captivate us, it is essential not to equate novelty with superiority, as its allure is short-lived. Instead, we should evaluate things based on the value they bring to our lives, rather than being swayed solely by their temporary attractiveness. This principle holds true across various aspects of life, be it relationships, where seeking novelty in others can lead to cheating, or in consumerist societies driven by capitalism, where we relentlessly pursue novelty in gadgets, clothes, and possessions for fleeting adventures.

Appreciating the distinction between novelty and utility is important. Let us not be seduced by the transient appeal of novelty, but rather prioritize the enduring worth and impact that something can offer.

Think about long term

Unfortunately, the pursuit of long-term and short-term objectives often leads to conflicting decisions. Prioritizing short-term gains can hinder progress toward long-term goals. If your ultimate aim is to return to India, it is crucial to always keep that in mind. There will come a time when you have to make compromises, sacrificing immediate benefits for the sake of your long-term vision. Such compromises can be disheartening, but it’s essential to be steadfast in your long-term goals, even if it means relinquishing visible and attainable short-sighted objectives. It may be acceptable to adjust your milestones or timelines but ensure that you are not creating unnecessary challenges and difficulties for your future self.

One of the reasons I chose to return to India as soon as possible was the realization that the task would become increasingly arduous with each passing year in the US. For me, the incremental difficulties didn’t outweigh the advantages of staying a few more years. Completing my MS served as a natural checkpoint to evaluate this decision, as finding such convenient milestones in the future would prove challenging. There will always be another enticing project or opportunity on the horizon, requiring more intricate planning and alignment for a successful transition. The longer you reside in the US, the more attachments and commitments you will form, necessitating greater efforts to uproot yourself and move back.

The human mind possesses a remarkable ability to deceive itself. Being truly honest with oneself is a daunting task, and it is vital to cultivate the skill of accepting harsh truths. (Perhaps this blog post is my own way of self-deception regarding this decision?) In our daily lives, we often encounter choices where we must confront the harsh truth or convince ourselves that everything is fine. While the latter can provide temporary relief, excessive reliance on self-deception can impede personal growth and development.

Think about the past

We don’t hear this often and are usually encouraged to look forward and move on from the past. When you are thinking about your life in the US vs your life in India, you are also inherently comparing your current life and your past life. This makes the comparison very difficult because what you want is a comparison between locations, but what you have data for varies in location and time. This leads to two problems: a) Life in India would have changed, and more so for you. b) You probably are relying on your memories from your previous life and those could be very biased.

Talking about the first, visiting India will give you some data points, but just keep in mind that transitions are not reflective of the long term. (More on this later). Keeping in touch with counterfactual-people (people who have a life that is close to what yours would be if you move back) will probably give you a better idea. The second problem can be more difficult to resolve because our minds are weird, we don’t usually keep a very good account of the past in our memories — they are biased and I feel usually biased towards the good memories (except in some traumatic experiences). So make sure you have a good account of how you felt when you were in India, what bothered you, and what gave you happiness. Write it down as soon as possible because the memories will get more selective (and thus even more biased) with time.

We feel the most during transitions

Let’s look at this visualization, where the y-axis represents the comfort and the x-axis is the time.

Let’s say you are at comfort = s_0 at time = 0 and hypothetically you know you will reach comfort = s_T at a future time = T.

Given this, there are multiple paths you can choose to spend your time, the most obvious being this:

which maximizes your total comfort in life. However, the other options would be:

where the orange line represents a gradual increase in comfort and the green represents random bumps. In my opinion, life in green is more exciting than life in blue as we get very easily used to whatever our situation, and then the absolute comfort level doesn’t really matter much.

This also means it will be okay to downgrade as well.

We will get adapted to that easily as well, it’s just the transition when we might feel bad. But once we are settled in, it would be okay, and instead of the “comfort”, other things would matter more for our happiness.

In concluding my account of why I made the decision to move back to India from the US, I want to emphasize that the notion of what is “better” is highly subjective and personal. I share my experiences not with the intention to hurt or judge anyone who has chosen a different path, but rather to offer a glimpse into my own journey and the factors that influenced my decision. Each individual’s circumstances, aspirations, and values differ, and what may be fulfilling for one person may not hold true for another. It is important to approach such decisions with an open mind, understanding that there is no universal “right” or “wrong” path. Ultimately, it is the pursuit of personal happiness and fulfillment that should guide our choices, respecting the unique narratives and perspectives that shape each individual’s story.

P.S. I would like to acknowledge that I sought assistance from ChatGPT in crafting this article. Prompting ChatGPT with “write it better” helped me refine the language and structure while retaining the core content and ideas as my own. It’s remarkable to have access to such powerful language models that can enhance our writing process. I am grateful for the collaboration and support provided by AI technology in creating this piece.

P.P.S. Even the above PS was written by ChatGPT, and it is self-praising itself without actually prompting it to say that.