A Chapter Of New Beginnings
Walking along the coast of the shallow beach, I looked at the dramatic sunset. It was beautiful. The canvas over our heads was predominantly blue, but shades of light red, orange, and yellow were splashed onto it to create a horizon of colors. As the clock turned and the sky evolved with more colors, the ocean water reflected the climactic adornment to create an ethereal feeling of magic and tranquility. What a breathtaking view.
I found myself a spot on top of a sea rock that was constantly being hit by the ocean waves and sat there facing the surreal reality. Watching the waves sway back and forth was a trance that calmed me down. I was immediately taken on a journey. The whole year started flashing before my eyes. The lows, the highs — what a turbulent year it has been.
This year has taken as much from me as it has given to me. My life on the internet may have looked solid but on the inside, I’ve spent several months crumbling — loneliness, uncertain career prospects, heartbreak equivalent worth of emotions, and lack of confidence. I’ve spent countless hours on my bed feeling like I was losing myself. As if nothing mattered anymore. I wouldn’t even get out of my room for several days. My insecurities about my friendships and my future walked hand in hand throughout these last 12 months.
2022 had a dark phase where I felt like I wasn’t myself anymore. The consequences of my actions were piercingly hurtful. Everything I knew about myself was being rewritten. Who was I this year? Was I a good person? Did I hurt too many people? I don’t know. I had a thick wall around me that prevented people from lurking in. I was isolated by choice. Easy to befriend, but hard to trust. I battled the entire year by relying on myself for emotional support. I was my healer and my own enemy.
The waves started crashing the rock with more intensity now. Droplets of water landed on my face and broke my trance. The rock was completely surrounded by water. The yellow-orange colors melted into a splash of mellow shades as the sun set into the endless ocean. The crescent moon that was lurking in the shadows of the light took its rightful place in the sky — nature’s way of saying that everything shall pass irrespective of whether it was good or bad. It was relieving. Sometimes when you least expect it, nature talks to you. And my conversation with it was far from over. As I immersed myself in the roar of the mighty ocean, I could feel my body slowly warming up with positivity.
This year, I learned that grief and gratitude can coexist. That I can feel my heart crack down the middle and be thankful for the pain because it means that I’ve lived fully — that I didn’t hide but chose to keep pouring myself into this beautiful, messy life. I learned that I can love the life I have now while taking time to grieve the paths I didn’t take. The lives I didn’t get to live. The people who’re no longer beside me.
This year, I learned that my heart can handle so much more than I give it credit for. It’s soft but mighty — far stronger than I ever realized. I wish it didn’t have to be this strong, but I’m grateful it continues to remind me that I’m still here.
This year, I made things happen even when they felt uncertain. I kept showing up for myself even when nothing felt right. I chose consistency and balance over perfection. I was reminded that we are all insignificant beings. It’s the reason we are drawn to oceans and mountains. To feel like there is something bigger than us. Something that is outside our comprehension and can make our problems seem smaller than they are.
I had my ups and downs, highs and lows. Who I am today is the result of how I reacted when I faced adversity. I ran from my problems several times, but I also stood up and fought several times. I hurt and got hurt, but I’m here now, aren’t I? I wish I could go back and change the beginning, but I’ve learned that I can start where I am and change the ending.
So many times in life, we don’t know that the last time we do something is indeed going to be the last. It sneaks on us unexpectedly. We can’t prevent these lasts, but we can love what we have now just a little bit more. So as the clock strikes midnight and one year gives way to another, keep your feet on the ground and your eyes on the sky. With one hand on your beating heart, breathe and be grateful. Grateful for everything you’ve lost and everything you’ve learned to love. Grateful for the lost opportunities and the new beginnings.
This year, there will be no new you. No grand resolutions or bold proclamations about who you will become.
“I like the person I am. Imperfect and flawed but beautiful and worthy of love.”
Honor the journey that’s brought you here and find peace in your own being. No more chasing worthiness. You are already worthy. But the journey doesn’t stop there. Work on yourself irrespective of whether it’s a new year or not. Promise that no matter where the path takes you, you will never stop trying to be better than who you were yesterday.
A chapter in your life may be ending, but it doesn't mean that it will be forgotten. Everything that you’ve learned this year, will guide you silently. May this be a chapter of new beginnings but not of a new identity. Hold your head high and look up. You lived another beautiful year on this planet. And it was better than the last.
Dear 2022,
Thank you for all that you’ve been for me.
Thank you for all the memories, lessons, and experiences you’ve taught me.
I learned so much about myself because of you.
I’m now allowing myself to leave behind everything that no longer serves me.
You will always be remembered.Love,
Harsh
My last article of 2022. With 2 days to go into a new year, I hope you’re having a beautiful break from your busy life. This year has been a year of firsts and new beginnings for me. But I hope that the next year is going to be a year of expansion.
Thank you for supporting me and reaching out to me. I’ve learned a lot from the different perspectives I’ve gotten this year. And I’m grateful for all that you think I am. I hope to live up to the reason you’ve all followed me this year. But I also know, you don’t expect me to be perfect all the time.
Happy new year fellas!
Here’s the thing. I run a podcast. And because you’re great readers, I know you’re great listeners too. Everything I write, I narrate in my podcast. I won’t lie when I tell you that the podcast has helped me, more than anyone. So if you think you’d like to revisit my thoughts, you can head to my podcast, Within 5 Minutes, which serves as an audio library for these blogs — https://linktr.ee/hacchuu
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