The day I gave up.

Two weeks ago, I gave up; not my job, not school, but on myself.

I have always been the person who has stood up and faced the situation, no matter how bad it was. This time was different. I gave up, and it still scares me.

I have always been the person who has stood up and faced the situation, no matter how bad it was. This time was different. I gave up, and it still scares me.

I am 22 [Yes, yes. I do have a long way to go :)]and am going through the worst phase of my life so far. Every aspect of my life, home life, relationship, academics and work life, is a complete mess.

I locked myself in my room, cried, thought of depressing things and felt worse. For days, I could not do anything. I did not know who to approach, who to talk to, how to make it better or what to do. I tried rationalizing the situation, but it only made it worse. Finally, I picked myself up from there, kept myself really busy and tried moving on by keeping my mind off things. All was well until today when I find myself slipping back into that situation, and I can’t let that happen.

I locked myself in my room, cried, thought depressing things and felt worse. For days, I could not do anything. I did not know who to approach, who to talk to, how to make it better or what to do. I tried rationalizing the situation, but it only made it worse. Finally, I picked myself up from there, kept myself really busy and tried moving on by keeping my mind off things. All was well until today when I find myself slipping back into that situation, and I can’t let it.

“It can’t get worse than this, can it? Even if it does, it is time I hit it with a wrecking ball”

That’s the motto I want to run by. There is no point in slipping into despair and making it worse. I need to pull myself together and get my life back in shape.

So this is a fresh start, with an anonymous identity. I don’t know how to open up about the situation I am going through. Hence, the vagueness in describing my situation above. But I need a change and this is going to be my voice. Here’s a short list I am going to follow:

  1. Weekly list out areas I need to focus on in all areas of my life and evaluate my progress at the end of the week (even simple things like spending quality time with Dad)
  2. Make time for reading and exercise. A healthy mind and body can go a long way in making myself better
  3. Write every day, even if it is about the most random things. It will take things off my chest at least.
  4. Not give up.

I am going to make an effort to strictly follow at least these 4 points. These may not work best, but I can always iterate to see what works.

If any of you can suggest how to deal with situations where nothing is going right, it will be awesome. Thanks in advance. :)

I’d like to end with one of the best quotes I’ve come across.

It’s always darkest before dawn.
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