Behind The Mask

Behind The Mask: How You Can Spot the Difference between Personality & Social Behavioral Masks

What Lies Beneath

Whether we’d like to admit it or not, all of us wear some kind of Masks to hide and protect our weaknesses, fears, and vulnerabilities. Sometimes Masks help us pretend to be something we’re not! Other times Masks help us hide secrets that we’re ashamed of. Sometimes Masks help us portray a better image of ourselves than is actually true, like the lives we sometimes portray on Social Media.

After the global outbreak of Covid19, we’ve all been forced to wear Masks to protect ourselves and others from this deadly virus. However, there is a Mask that no one should ever wear under any circumstances: a Personality Mask, which is an external identity that you “wear” when dealing with people but is starkly different from your internal self.

Wearing Personality Masks fosters the growth of certain traits that are manufactured in our behavior instead of being grown organically. This usually happens in response to family expectations, social pressure, or workplace cultural expectations. Personality Masks become so tempting in environments where one type of personality is preferred by decision-makers over another.

Personality Masks

I think it’s safe to say that there is so much pressure to be someone you’re not. The struggle to be authentic these days; instead of being synthetic or fake is real. Now, I’m not referring to your skills of adapting your behavior to your environment in order to do good work, offer kindness, or be respectful towards another person of a different culture, creed, or race. Instead, I’m referring to being hypocritical in nature, where your exterior behavior becomes the polar opposite of who you are inside.

Let me explain this point with an example from the world of comic books. Throughout the ages, Batman wore many different cowls (Masks) to adopt his fighting skills to the threats that he’d encountered. This form of environmental adaptability mimics that of a chameleon because wearing Social Behavioral Masks allows us to adapt our behavior to our surrounding environment without losing ourselves in the process. The cowls might change, but we know it’s Batman underneath the Mask!

On the other hand, Loki is a master of mischief, methodical liar, and notorious trickster. He is charming with a cool seductive British accent, spontaneous, cunning, gifted, extremely intelligent, and unpredictable. One minute his fighting alongside his half-brother, Thor, and the next minute he’d join the Frost Giants to claim his dominance over the thrown at Asgard! Loki is known for being neither fully good nor evil since his main aim was always to create chaos, so you can never tell which side he’s on! This is the kind of Mask that we need to avoid at all costs!

I think it’s not easy to distinguish if you’re wearing a Personality Mask or behaving as a Social Chameleon. While you might think that you know who you are, it’s very possible that you’re so familiar with your Mask; that you’re hiding even from yourself! Masking refers to hiding your “Authentic Self” in an effort to gain greater social acceptance in certain situations. The costs of camouflaging your true personality and emotions can snowball exponentially, causing you to experience a sense of loss, anxiety, and depression in the process.

So, how can you tell if you're wearing a Personality Mask or just adapting to your environment? Symptoms of Personality Masks include restlessness, feeling of hypocrisy, job dissatisfaction, emotional exhaustion, and physical fatigue. When you don’t like the reflection you see in the mirror, that’s usually a sign of wearing a Personality Mask. One of the strongest indicators of a Personality Mask is a profound sense of inner conflict, where you find yourself trying to go in two different directions at the same time! If you regard yourself as a mix of opposing forces: fast and slow, deep and light, or active and passive, all at the same time, you’re probably struggling with wearing a Personality Mask.

Social Behavioral Masks

Unlike Personality Masks, Social Behavioral Masks has to do with social adaptability. Most of us learn how to protect ourselves from the outside world using defense mechanisms and personality traits that ensure our safety. When we adopt certain behavioral traits, we subconsciously seek security and stability, and we do that by wearing different kinds of Masks to keep us from getting hurt. However, rarely do we emerge from childhood completely unharmed.

As we experience different traumas during our childhood years, we tend to close ourselves from authentic relationships to protect ourselves, but we end-up being stuck in the cocoon of our childhood wounds. Consequently, we form protective shields to protect us from past wounds, and here is where it gets interesting; our coping mechanism and strategies vary so greatly since our personalities are starkly different than each other. This form of response results in varying Social Behavioral Masks that might seem very different at first glance, but in reality, they’re all stemming from the same source of wanting to protect ourselves and the ones we love.

Here are ten types of Social Behavioral Masks that we choose to wear based on the situation we encounter in our daily lives:

1. The Macho Man: The person wearing this mask appears to have mastered staying calm and collective in all situations. However, this is all a sham and underneath the facade, one of two things end-up happening as a result of their bottled-up emotions: a nervous breakdown or periodic outbursts of rage and anger when nobody’s watching.
2. The Comedian: When you’re laughing, you’re not crying; even if they look the same! They say that misery loves comedy and sarcasm tends to be rooted in pain, where comedy serves as a protective shield, which prevents anyone from getting-in, and the person ends-up feeling lonely. Humor is a smart defense mechanism that I use myself whenever I feel nervous or want to diffuse tension.
3. The Perfectionist: While all the accolades & praise associated with being a perfectionist may provide some temporary relief, the perfectionist is always at the mercy of something going wrong, and therefore live in a constant state of anxiety.
4. The Victim: These are the Drama Queens, who believe that the good that they do serves as a protective shield from the very people whom they’re helping. The Victim Mask secures their place in the world by believing that their role is critical, but in reality, they end-up making everyone around them uncomfortable.
5. The Bully: While bullies appear to be confident in their forceful delivery of opinions and orders, they’re inherently insecure because they want to be respected so badly that they’ll break the rules to get what they want. Bullies are driven by self-doubt, which is reflected in their hostile behavior.
6. The OCD: People wearing Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Masks use order to achieve a sense of security by making sure that everything is in its proper place, where they use this as a strategy to relieve themselves from their fear of the unknown.
7. The Self-Abuser: They project a negative view of themselves to others because they suffer from feeling unworthy and insecure. I use this Mask sometimes, where I believe that I can protect myself from getting hurt; by hurting myself first before others get a chance.
8. The Pleaser: The pleaser will go to extreme lengths to win the approval of those around them just because their sense of “Identity” is largely based on the assessment of others. People wearing Pleaser Masks look to outside sources to validate who they are, where they’re easily influenced and swayed by others.
9. The Introvert: They’re so afraid of failure and rejection that they would rather feel lonely than risk not being liked. They’re so afraid of making a mistake that they refuse to challenge even themselves, where they’re easily embarrassed and don’t say much out of fear that they might say the wrong thing.
10. The Social Butterfly: They compensate for their feelings of insecurities by having many acquaintances but few real friends, and their lives lack deep meaning. They keep their conversations superficial because deeper dialogues may expose their anxiety or shake their confident persona that they’re putting-up.

Now, ask yourself, which Mask do I wear, when, and why?

Why Do We Wear Different Masks?

People Mask their emotions underneath the Mask of their choosing for one of the following five reasons:

1. Relationship Dynamics: When people experience unhealthy relationships, they tend to engage in social camouflaging and Masking to keep others happy; especially when they’ve been through verbal, emotional, or physical abuse themselves, where masking can feel like a survival mechanism.
2. Economic Necessity: People feel the urge to conform to social pressures; especially when their promotions at their job depend on it. This type of justification is prominently popular amongst those in corporate who want to get ahead, which is not necessarily a bad thing, so long that it’s not at the expense of others.
3. Machiavellian Gains: These people are the most dangerous of all types of people who wear Masks because they believe that the end justifies the means! That’s because they’re characterized by being subtle and unscrupulously cunning, deceptive, pragmatic, and dishonest, where these people resort to Machiavellian tactics in order to get ahead, and they’re the ones with the biggest smiles, but end-up being the backstabbers.
4. Social Acceptance: Some people have the need for social acceptance regardless of the specific social context because all people want to feel that they belong to a certain tribal group, where they’re willing to become people-pleasers if necessary.
5. Invincibility Camouflage: Social Media platforms are notorious for this type of justification for wearing Masks! Social Media platforms have evolved into becoming a new platform that is no longer just social, where it allows those seeking “freedom of speech” to speak without the fear of consequences, where they enjoy hiding behind digital Masks. What ends-up happening is that these people believe that they’re invincible, where they can use and abuse Social Media platforms as they please because they feel protected behind their digital Masks.

Superheroes & Supervillains Wearing Masks

The simplest and most obvious explanation to why some superheroes wear Masks is to protect their identities, so that they could lead a double-life without getting caught or putting their loved ones in danger. The more layered explanation is that Masks often give the appearance of a completely new confident and strong identity.

This newly formed identity is decoupled from the identity that they wearer is trying to hide behind the Mask, where they become more of a symbol than simply a superhero or supervillain wearing a Mask! The importance of Masks in comic books stems from the need of superheroes and supervillains alike to form a new identity, where it provides them with a different level of responsibility (good or bad).

Even with their amazing superpowers, superheroes wear Masks to protect their weaknesses and vulnerabilities from their villains because as superheroes wearing Masks; they become a symbol who’re greater than the person behind the Mask. So, if superheroes wear Masks to protect their identities, anxieties, and loved ones, why do supervillains wear Masks? What are they trying to hide?

Just like superheroes, supervillains may wear a Mask to hide their identity or to maintain an air of mystery, so that they could strike fear into the hearts of their victims. A character with an exposed face can be easily identified and is more likely to gain a connection with the people, since their expressions and emotions are always visible for everyone to see.

In contrast, a Masked character would have a much easier time hiding their emotions because they would have a barrier between them and people, meaning that it would be much harder for people to predict their next move.

In fact, the scarier the Mask, the more terrifying the villain appears! Masks offer supervillains strength, where without them, they might appear weak as Masks can give its wearer superpowers! Masks give supervillains the ability to conceal their own identity and assume that of someone who’s indestructible! A symbol which strikes fear in the hearts of people.

Most superheroes start their lives as average normal people, only to discover their superpowers later on, where some choose to wear Masks, but there are a few exceptions who don’t wear Masks as superheroes, such as: Superman, Wonder Woman, Thor, Wolverine, Black Widow, Aquaman, and the Punisher to name a few. Here is an interesting conundrum for you to ponder upon: Bruce Wayne puts on a Mask to become Batman, whereas Superman puts on a pair of glasses to become Clark Kent! So, what’s the difference?

Superman is an alien from a different planet with incredible superhuman strength, where he worries that mere mortals would fear him! Superman wants to be a symbol of Hope, but if he wore a Mask and kept his identity secret, people would not trust him and fear him instead.

Superman is thinking about the greater good, but even Superman needs a break from all of his responsibilities of saving the world from time-to-time, that’s why Superman’s Mask is actually Clark Kent! By being honest and upfront about who he is, Superman has earned the world’s trust as their greatest hero!

In contrast, Bruce Wayne is a billionaire and a philanthropist who’s shackled by his social responsibilities as the only heir to the Wayne estate with many obligations that prevent him from being the hero that Gotham needs. When Bruce Wayne turns into Batman, he wears this Mask (or Cowl) for two reasons: to conceal his identity and to frighten his foes.

If you’re suspecting to be wearing a Personality Mask instead of a Social Behavioral Mask, determine what type is the real you and what type is the Masked you! If you want to know for certain the type of Mask you wear most often, look at your reflection in the mirror, and if what you see is the polar opposite of what you portray in front of people, you might be wearing a Personality Mask!

Man in The Mirror

When you look at your own reflection in the mirror, what do you see? Recognizing yourself is more than just identifying the face reflection that you see in the mirror. The concept of “Self” is related to a number of ideas that include mind and consciousness, which can transcend the physical body, which is so compelling that it’s difficult to ignore.

If I were to ask you, where your mind is, you’ll more than likely point to your head. Now, if I were to ask you where is your “Self? You probably would also point to your head. I believe that many people today accept, without much thought, that their experience of consciousness, mind, and “Self” are all concentrated in their brains. We usually use the words “Brain” and “Mind” interchangeably, but there is a subtle difference! Just like Dr. Strange can have an out-of-body experience (OBE), where he experiences rising above and over his physical body and can zoom into different dimensions.

Now, you may have never had an OBE, but you’ve likely experienced a milder dissociation between your body and mind; especially when you zone-out during a boring class. When that happens, you may experience a sense that you’ve stepped outside of your body, becoming an outside observer of your own experience during class. The perceptual illusion that regularly spreads through Social Media clearly demonstrate that subjective experience, which doesn’t always match physical reality! Nonetheless, we can’t dismiss our sense of “Self” as just an illusion that lives in our heads.

We all engage in inner speech! When we read books, articles, Tweets, or Social Media posts, we hear our own voices speaking the words. When we work on a challenging problem, we speak the steps to ourselves in our heads. As we go through the day, we make comments about the people and situations we encounter, that we’d never dare say out-loud.

This running dialogue inside our heads is what I believe constitutes the “Self”. Although our bodies change & age over time, we experience the “Self” as immutable and immortal, which is why when we look in the mirror, we see someone familiar whom we know! Whatever Mask you wear, the reflection you see in the mirror should closely resemble the persona that you’ve adopted.

Authentic Masks

The first step towards authenticity if you’re suspecting to be wearing a Personality Mask instead of a Social Behavioral Mask is to evaluate your behavior to see if your actions are in stark conflict with how you’re feeling inside. Next, determine the type of Mask that you’re wearing most of the time to bring it into your consciousness. The goal is to make sure that your Mask is NOT in conflict with the “Real You.”

When you wear a Personality Mask, you deprive the world from an authentic person. While each person’s Mask might be unique to the nature of their interactions, the desire to live authentically without harsh judgments is universal. Realize that even the most confident people wear Masks from time-to-time because it’s human nature to want acceptance. Give yourself credit for wearing Behavioral Masks during certain social interactions. Accepting who you are by your own self might be harder than others accepting you, and it’s a long-life journey, and you’ll have a better chance of getting ahead in life if you go easy on yourself and become true to who you really are.

More often than not, too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they really are, and that’s a sad reality. Once you’ve identified your authentic “Self”, immerse yourself in the beauty of representing who you really are underneath the Mask.

It’s totally normal that we all want to conform, especially during our early years as young professionals, where our Social Behavioral Masks might appear too many. However, as we grow and mature professionally, we tend to earn the respect of our peers, where it might become more comfortable for us to wear less Masks. When you commit yourself to this type of understanding, you will be more likely to love and embrace who you really are, instead of putting on a fake personality underneath the Mask who’s not really you!

The Mavrick

www.DarTec.com.sa

hashim@DarTec.com.sa