From Self-Doubt to Self-Confidence

Dr. Hashim AlZain
22 min readMar 27, 2024

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From Self-Doubt to Self-Confidence: Understanding where it Comes from and How to Circumvent it

Killing me Softly with Self-Doubt

As we grow older and somewhere along our development, a pattern of thinking starts to emerge, which leads us to experience self-doubt. These could have originated from parents imposing excessively high standards, being compared to others, experiencing shame as an adolescent, being bullied at school, underperforming at school, or even growing-up in a toxic family dynamic. If we’re not careful and allow these patterns to repeat themselves many times in our consciousness, they’ll tend to morph into entrenched limiting beliefs that kill our confidence and prevent us from expressing our innate potential.

Self-doubt is defined as the experience of feelings uncertain about one or more aspects of yourself. Self-doubt may stem from previous negative experiences or from attachment issues. Those with insecure attachments may have experience being criticized in the past, which can contribute towards self-doubt later in their lives. Now, I don’t want to elaborate on how self-doubt is learned, but what I will talk about is how I’ve observed the debilitating impact of how self-doubt robs people of the joy of living their lives to the fullest.

What I am going to share with you here in this article is far more pragmatic, where I’ve identified 4 distinct self-doubt Mind Pits that most people are unaware of. Not only will I reveal these Mind Pits so that you can easily recognize them, but I’ll also share stories from my experience about how dedicated habits and discipline can help you climb out of this bottomless pit and stay out of each one. I hope my experience can help free your mind from these dominant thought patterns in an effort to help transform your life as it allows your attention to focus on what you want instead of what’s distracting you.

Self-doubt can creep-in from many corners, affecting people from all walks of life. Here are the 4-self-doubt mind-pits that most people are unaware of that are affecting the quality of their lives on a daily basis:

  1. Failure to Execute
  2. Playing it Safe
  3. Destination Obsession
  4. Comparing Yourself to Others

1. Failure to Execute

One of the primary reasons that keep people stuck in an endless cycle of research, learning, and preparation consuming books, podcasts, Googling, taking courses, and acquiring extra qualifications is the nagging thought of constantly doubting if they’re ready enough. We get stuck in analysis paralysis and quickly get overwhelmed by the fear of starting or failing. We might even procrastinate on tasks due to self-doubt about our abilities.

This thought pattern causes us to be prone to information overload and an insatiable desire to be in the know all the time. In other words, we know what needs to be done, but we don’t do it despite knowing that it needs to be done. There is some form of hesitation and an internal chatter that’s clouding our judgment. So, how do we fall into the cycle of failing to execute? Two overarching themes seem to emerge; contemplation and overthinking, which inevitably leads to procrastination and stagnation.

Overthinking stems from our primitive instinct of self-preservation. In this state of mind, we tend to fixate on worst-case scenarios, where the chatter in our heads tend to cloud our judgment and ask ourselves questions like:

  • What could go wrong?
  • What am I missing?
  • What if I fail?
  • What would people think about me?
  • What if I’m not good enough?
  • What if I’m wrong?
  • What if I’ve missed something?
  • Why is everyone so far ahead and why can’t I get started?
  • What’s wrong with me?

During my early years at DarTec Engineering, I almost filed for bankruptcy many times overdue in large part to self-doubt and an imminent feeling of failure that seemed inescapable. My feeling of self-doubt was amplified by being repeatedly discouraged and rejected by prospect customers, who couldn’t imagine what I can clearly see in my head. I went from being super confident at the beginning of starting DarTec to doubting my skills, knowledge, and experience to the point where I wanted to call it quits. In fact, my self-doubt got so bad that I’ve even considered shifting careers!

It’s kind of scary thinking about the valley of death that I was experiencing at the time because I’ve allowed my mind to believe what others thought I can and can’t do. It wasn’t until I’ve paid a visit to my mom’s place one day, where she noticed that I was down on my luck and very quiet at the dinner table. My mom asked me: “What troubles you my son?” It took me a couple of seconds to respond, where I said: “Mom, I think I’m going to fail because everything I’ve worked for in the last 5-years appears to be wrong and will all go to waste.” I continued: “All of the money that my partner and I have invested in DarTec will never be recovered.” My Mom smiled softly and said: “You might fail, but I highly doubt it!” That’s all it took to ignite the fire within me. It was at that moment when the switch in my head was flipped from self-doubt and defeat to overwhelming confidence and defiance! I shot a look at my Mom and said: “They can tell me what I can and can’t do, but they can’t tell me what I can or can’t become!”

I’ve instantly felt like Iron Man, strapped with booster rockets that propelled me into the stratosphere! I felt like nobody can stop me now, but I had to change my frame of mind before anything could happen. I’ve thought deeply about what I was doing and realized that I was trying to sell people on something that they can’t wrap their hands around! I’ve asked myself, could it be that the concept of Reverse Engineering is so abstract that people can’t imagine what the deliverable would be? It struck me like a bolt of lightning; people simply couldn’t see it! That’s when I’ve decided to repackage what I was offering so that people would know what they were getting. Instead of selling Reverse Engineering as a service with multiple outcomes, I’ve decided to repackage my offering as a Spare Part Localization Service. They’ve instantly got it and knew which box to put me in that their system could accommodate.

Fast Forward a couple of years down the road and DarTec Engineering had become a marvelous success in its own right and a pioneer in localizing the manufacturing of obsolescence mechanical parts using Reverse Engineering in Saudi Arabia. Reflecting back on what had happened to me, DarTec could have vanished from existence had I allowed self-doubt to dominate my thoughts and control my actions. I could have single handedly deprived the Kingdom from reaching greater heights because I’ve allowed toxic words to affect me; causing me to fall into one of the Mind Pits of self-doubt. All it took for me to turn things around for DarTec was to objectively analyze what was happening, see the world from my prospect’s point of view, and act accordingly.

We excessively ponder over what ifs, could of, would of, and that can short-circuit our brains and drive us into madness! This state of mind paralyzes us because overthinking what others think about us fuels our self-doubt, kills our confidence, and leads us to self-criticism. I’m a living example of someone who nearly lost it all because of self-doubt.

2. Playing it Safe

One of the worst feelings in the world is when we exhaust ourselves doing many things at the same time without going anywhere! It’s kind of like trying to get somewhere while running on a treadmill, so much work with very little progress. So, what causes so many high-potential people to start; yet fail to finish?

Self-doubt can lead to hesitation and question whether we’ve made the right decision or not:

  • Should I have chosen this over that?
  • I think this was the wrong decision!
  • Maybe the other thing would have been better for me?
  • Is the grass greener on the other side?
  • Why am I board and why isn’t there a reward that was once there?

Nothing great ever came out of playing it safe! What ends-up happening is that instead of getting to the finish line, it feels more rewarding to move on to the next fresh and exciting thing. If we allow this cycle to become habitual, then we become stuck in the treading water of playing it safe. In my opinion, the most dangerous thing you can do in your life is playing it safe!

Playing it safe can seem like the smart choice, but there are some hidden downsides to consider:

  • Missed Opportunities: By always avoiding risks, we might miss-out on chances to grow, learn new things, and achieve our goals.
  • Stagnation: Sticking with what’s familiar can lead to stagnation, where we might not develop our skills or challenge ourselves to know the limits of what we can do, which can hold us back in the long run.
  • Indecisiveness: The fear of making the wrong choice can fuel anxiety and make you doubt yourself, which can be a vicious cycle, leading to even more indecision.
  • Regret: Later in life, when we look back and reflect on our lives, we’ll regret not taking more chances, and wonder “What If?” about the paths not taken.

I remember the days when I used to be a fulltime employee with a “secured job” at a reputable institution that compensated me well, I used to be very comfortable and relaxed, but unfulfilled. I was wrestling with the decision of whether or not to jump ship and dedicate 100% of my time to my startup company, DarTec Engineering, that I’ve concurrently started when I began working at that institution because I didn’t have a single contract to lean on. It was terrifying for me to leave something secure and “safe” and jump into the unknown. It’s true that I’ve been developing DarTec for 6-years up to that point, but I had nothing in my hand, and it was all mirages.

I’ve made the bold decision to trust my instincts and jump ship not knowing whether I would soar through the skies or land flat on my face. I ended-up crashing and burning after resigning from my job as a fulltime employee at a corporate institute and it was painful. I wish it were a fairytale story, where I’ve lived happily ever after, but truth is stranger than fiction. In fact, the situation got so bad that I’ve contemplated going back to corporate because I simply couldn’t lock down the contract that I’ve been working on over the past 2-years. I had to borrow money from my mother, father, sisters, and even my better half just so that I could make payroll and pay rent. It took me 10-months to land my first contract after resigning and it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe again.

Looking back, I wouldn’t have done it any other way because the tough experience had strengthened my Grit, persistence, discipline, and even my negotiation skills. What DarTec has managed to do in the spare part industry was close to revolutionary! In fact, DarTec served as the steppingstone for the industrial sector in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia to leapfrog its development by adopting Industry 4.0 technologies and develop a comprehensive database for their assets of mechanical spare parts.

DarTec has managed to contribute towards implementing revolutionary services that seemed impossible at the time, such as, manufacturing on-demand, metal 3D Printing, and digital inspection of complex mechanical parts in 3D. Had I played it safe, none of this could have happened! While playing it safe can provide stability, it’s important to find the right balance between what you want and how bad you want it before resting on your laurels. Sometimes, taking calculated risks can lead to big rewards.

3. Destination Obsession

Destination obsession is a term used to describe the belief that happiness is tied to a specific future goal or achievement. People with destination obsession tend to be so focused on the end result that they neglect to enjoy the journey itself. When all your happiness is contingent on reaching a certain goal, it’s easy to feel constantly on edge. This obsession with our destination can make it difficult to appreciate the good things in our lives that are happening right now! If we’re always focused on the future, we’re likely to miss-out on the present moment.

Tell me if this sounds familiar, you set an exciting goal for yourself, put-in the hard work and discipline to get things off the ground, and relentlessly push yourself towards achieving it only to have an instantaneous burst of pleasure followed by a lack of fulfillment. Consequently, you immediately set the next goal and if left unchecked, this vicious cycle of destination obsession can lead to relentlessly chasing the short-lived euphoria of achievement that’s never realized.

I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t admit that I have an obsession with a destination that I’ve set-out for myself, where I’m always feeling that I’m running out of time to reach my destination. I’m always thinking to myself that I should be doing more. I should have accomplished much more by now. I know that my team can do much better. Sounds familiar?

The destination obsession traps us by making us feel that we haven’t done enough. It even makes us feel guilty when we take breaks, where it deludes us into thinking that we’d be happier and feel worthy when we get there, but that’s always out of reach. I remember being flat broke for the longest time during the early years of DarTec that even when I became financially stable, I still thought like a broke Entrepreneur. It almost feels as if I haven’t mentally broken free from the shackles of being broke for so long.

I’ll be honest, I’m still struggling with destination obsession to this day, where I feel guilty taking vacations, picking-up a sport with a group of friends, or even treating myself with the finer things in life. You might find this amusing, but I feel like the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, where I’m always late!

4. Comparing Yourself to Others

This mind pit involves dwelling over every detail and constantly comparing ourselves to others. We ruminate on “what ifs” and focus on perceived shortcomings, making us feel inadequate. Comparing ourselves to others, both upwards and downwards, is a major contributor to self-doubt.

Here’s how the 2 types of comparisons play into self-doubt:

  • Upward Comparison: This is when we compare ourselves to someone we perceive as better than us or more successful. At times, this can be motivating; inspiring us to set higher goals and improve ourselves. However, it can also lead to feeling inadequate or insecure if we dwell too much over the gap between us and others.
  • Downward Comparison: This involves comparing ourselves to someone who seems to be doing worse than us. While it can provide a temporary boost to self-esteem, it doesn’t address our own shortcomings, and in the long run, it can hinder growth and make us complacent and rest on our laurels.

Both upward and downward comparisons can be tricky, and the key ingredient to avoiding it backfiring at us is to be mindful about how they’re affecting us. Instead of feeling discouraged by the success of others, we can view it as a chance to learn, grow, and push ourselves beyond our perceived limits.

I remember when I was down on my luck during the early years of DarTec, I couldn’t help resisting the temptations of comparing myself to all of my friends in corporate who’re advancing in their careers while I continue to slide backwards. Oh, it was a horrible feeling that I couldn’t resist, and I felt awful because I wanted to feel good for my friends, but I couldn’t stop feeling bad about my situation. All of my friends were taking vacations, traveling around the world, popping-out babies, and here I am trying to get DarTec off the ground and nothing seemed to work. In fact, the harder I’ve tried, the further I slipped backwards. I couldn’t shake it off because I felt depressed, anxious, and frustrated all at the same time.

It wasn’t until I’ve realized that I was writing my own story and not living the story of others, and that my story wasn’t their story. My story has goblins, fire-breathing dragons, and sea monsters that are trying to tear me apart, but I strongly believed that I was building something that’s so amazing that would someday allow me to zoom past all of my friends who’re comfortably coasting along.

We need to identify what others are doing well and see if we can incorporate those aspects into our own journey. We should always track our own progress and celebrate small victories because this internal focus builds self-confidence and motivates us to keep moving forward. Everyone is on their own unique path and has their own story. Comparing ourselves to others is a recipe for self-doubt, where we should instead focus on being the best version of ourselves and celebrate our individual victories.

Mitigating Self-Doubt

Now that we know the 4 Mind Pits of self-doubt, in what ways can we free ourselves from its shackles and avoid falling into the vicious cycle of self-doubt? For each of the 4 Mind Pits, there are 4 mitigation strategies that I’ve come to learn about, which can free us from the confines of having a narrow frame of mind:

1. Changing the Narrative

Shifting our internal narrative can help us see how procrastination is often misinterpreted as laziness, but there are 2 different factors that’re contributing to procrastination; Avoidance of the Pain associated with failure and rejection or criticism of how we’ll be perceived by others. It makes sense that our mind and your body want to avoid pain at all costs, and this avoidance manifests as the inner chatter that we hear in our heads, which ends-up clouding our judgment. So, if we start changing our narrative, we can eliminate the avoidance altogether!

For example, if we catch ourselves thinking: “I can’t do this” and redirect it to “How could I make this happen?” shifts the “I should do this or I have to do this” to “I get to do this or I choose to do this.” So, instead of fighting or disempowering our own thoughts, we can redirect our mind to empowering our language to reflect personal control. Instead of dwelling over worst-case scenarios, focus on facts and evidence by asking yourself: “Did I succeed on similar tasks in the past? Do I have the knowledge, skills, and resources to tackle the current challenge? Always ground yourself in reality and build confidence instead of building theories.

2. Cognitive Reframing

Self-doubt often stems from distorted thought patterns. When negativity creeps-in, and it will, challenge those thoughts by asking yourself: “Is this thought true or an opinion, and is there evidence to support this?” Reframe negative thoughts into more realistic and empowering ones to avoid falling victim to your own thoughts! Instead of asking ourselves “Why don’t I feel motivated”, we should ask ourselves: “What can I do next to get excited about getting this done!” This cognitive reframing can be a powerful influence on how we feel when our thoughts are focused on overthinking and worrying to action and getting results! This simple reframing of the questions we ask ourselves leads to better performance and improves our abilities to handle setbacks more effectively. It’s vital that the reframing is immediately followed by action, otherwise, it simply won’t work! By taking immediate action, even if it’s small and messy actions, we short-circuit ourselves into overthinking and paralysis by analysis.

3. Finding Meaning

Playing it safe or Treading Water stems from a lack of meaning! It’s so much easier to get cold feet about a commitment we’ve made when we’re not crystal clear about why we’re committing ourselves to doing it in the first place; especially when things get tough, when we encounter something new and unexpected. When we identify and align ourselves with a clear “Why”, we escaped the “Playing it Safe” Mind Pit. So, if you find yourself stuck in this Mind Pit, schedule some time to reflect on why you’re doing what you’re doing and what’s the bigger picture!

Also, think about how you can zoom-out, zoom back in, and then associate meaning to whom you’re serving. How’re you making a difference in someone else’s life? Ask yourself this core question: is it for the sake of money, fame, fortune, status, or peer pressure or could it be something else? When you have a clear “Why” and you face the inevitable roadblocks, setbacks, and disappointments, remind yourself why you’re doing this in the first place. How’s the pain you’re willing to endure worth the gain you’re aspiring to reach?

4. Action Over Analysis

Sometimes, overthinking fuels self-doubt, so take action! Even if you feel a little unsure, start anyways and adjust your course of action as you move along. Starting, even imperfectly, is often better than being paralyzed by fear. One of the easiest ways to end-up with Paralysis by Analysis is setting unrealistic goals, which reinforces self-doubt. Instead, create Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound (SMART) goals. That’s because having smaller chewable and achievable milestones provides a sense of accomplishment and builds momentum.

Controlling your Inner Chatter

Self-doubt is a common experience that we all must go through. By implementing these 4 strategies and developing a more positive inner-voice, you and I can build resilience and climb out of those Mind Pits for good, and if you once fail, try, try again until you get the hang of it.

From Self-Doubt to Self-Confidence

If you notice yourself feeling inadequate due to comparing your current reality to someone else’s situation, shift your narrative from “Why me & why can’t I have what they have” to “I’m happy for this person, so what could I learn from their journey.” All of these Mind Pits are fueled by self-doubt, and when we don’t reclaim control of these habits, they kill our confidence of who we are and the value we bring into our world.

Remember, your 12-month-old self wasn’t born with self-doubt, it was developed along your journey, which means that you can unlearn it by creating new healthier habits, so you could rewire your brain into doing the things you need. We are what we repeatedly do, so excellence is not an act of sheer luck, instead, it’s a deliberate habit. That’s why it’s so important that we make a commitment to raise our awareness by noticing the red flags of those habits that kill our confidence. We need to also take inspired action towards digging ourselves out of the Mind Pits that we’ve created for ourselves. It’s only then that we’ll be able to tap into the beauty of our true self that’s buried deep within us.

Don’t isolate yourself when you feel overwhelmed with self-doubt, instead, talk to supportive friends, family members, a qualified coach, or an experienced mentor. Sharing your struggles and receiving encouragement can be a powerful antidote to self-doubt. Remember, be kind to yourself because everyone makes mistakes. Instead of directing harsh self-criticism towards yourself, view setbacks and disappointments as learning opportunities. Treat yourself with the same care, understanding, and support that you’d offer a friend.

Takeaways

  1. The most dangerous thing you can do in your life is playing it safe.
  2. Even the most confident people can have self-doubt, and its human nature to have self-doubt.
  3. We all have that inner voice in our head that likes to point-out our flaws., so the first step towards confidence is acknowledging the presence of that nagging voice and separating it from our true-self.
  4. Self-doubt is common, even successful people experience it all the time.
  5. Fearless people get afraid all the time and feel fear just as much as people who’re crippled by it, the difference between them is how they react to the fears that they experience; especially when it comes unexpectedly.
  6. Self-doubt thrives on “What-Ifs” and worst-case scenarios, so challenge those fears with evidence-based approach about your abilities and past successes.
  7. Don’t allow negative self-talk to become your reality, so question your thoughts and counter them with positive affirmations.
  8. Don’t accept self-doubt as your reality, so question those thoughts to learn what triggers them in your head by asking yourself open-ended questions.
  9. When self-doubt seems to dominate your thoughts, allow yourself to reflect on past successes to remind yourself of your capabilities.
  10. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during setbacks and disappointments because mistakes are part of learning and growing into becoming the best version of yourself.
  11. Everyone experiences self-doubt, so treat yourself with the same understanding, compassion, and encouragement that you’d offer a friend.
  12. Comparing yourself with others fuels your self-doubt, so shift your narrative to focus on your own journey instead of comparing your chapters with that of others.
  13. Consider viewing challenges and setbacks as opportunities to learn and improve because self-doubt can serve as a trigger to stretch yourself and develop new skills.
  14. Take baby-steps towards your goals because even small ones build confidence and reduce self-doubt.
  15. As much as you can, try to surround yourself with positive and encouraging people whom you could look-up to.
  16. If self-doubt is persistent and you can’t seem to shake things off, consider professional help from a qualified coach, an experienced mentor, therapist, or counselor.
  17. When self-doubt seems to control your reality, try to momentarily shift your focus to your progress instead of your endgame by acknowledging your efforts and celebrating your small wins along the way.
  18. Self-doubt is rooted in how our brains are wired, and what was once done can be undone, so change your thoughts in order to change your reality.
  19. Overcoming self-doubt is a journey and not a destination, so be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress along the way.
  20. Changing your inner dialogue takes time and practice, so be patient with yourself and celebrate the moments by choosing self-confidence over self-doubt.

The Mavrick

hashim@dartec.com.sa

www.DarTec.com.sa

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Dr. Hashim AlZain
Dr. Hashim AlZain

Written by Dr. Hashim AlZain

Co-Founder & CTO at DarTec Engineering & HealTec Rehabilitation with Hands-on experience of over 23-years

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