A Single Tip that Will Help You Become Less Sensitive to Criticism

Hataitip Tasena
Sep 9, 2018 · 4 min read
“silhouette photography of person under gray clouds” by Simon Buchou on Unsplash

The world is full of critics.

For some reason, people seem to enjoy judging someone else on a daily basis.

You look fat in this shirt.

You should have won that easy race.

What a selfish decision you made!

You’re useless.

etc.

Some criticisms may as well appear in a form of silence — for example, by pretending not to see you or ignoring the ideas you propose.

Facing these kinds of treatment every day can be disheartening. It dampens your self-confidence and, in a long run, erodes your self-esteem.

Many experts have provided various tips on how to deal with criticism. If they worked out well for you, that’s great.

If not, let me suggest you an alternative.

- Set a purpose beyond yourself -

“girl holding umbrella on grass field” by J W on Unsplash

The reason why many of us are vulnerable to criticism is our excessive concern about “self”.

We like compliments because we want to be respected or accepted. We want to look good in front of others.

It’s all about our image, our pride, our ego. It’s all about ourselves.

The above comments criticize our appearance, our ability, our virtue, or our value. They are hurtful because they derogate something related to “us” which we love dearly.

But if we shift our life’s focus from ourselves to others, comments that attack “us” will become less significant.

Consider the following examples,

Cindy and Jane were junior scientists. Cindy’s biggest wish was to become a renowned scientist who is praised by the whole world, while Jane’s focus was to discover knowledge that helps saving lives.

After giving their presentations at a conference, both received severe criticism for their work. Cindy went home with low mood, doubting if she would ever become a successful scientist. Jane left the conference full of motivation to improve her research.

Another scenario,

Alex and Sam worked in the same building. Alex was a marketing employee while Sam was a janitor. Alex’s biggest dream was to be promoted to a manager’s role so he could prove himself to others especially those who looked down upon him. Sam’s main goal was to support his family including his young children.

Every day, Alex had a feeling that he was overlooked by his colleagues; he often felt insecure and unhappy which lowered his productivity and consequently delayed his promotion. Sam, on the other hand, faced direct criticism every day — e.g. for being dirty, ugly, or low-educated — but after going home seeing his kids, his bitterness gradually reduced and he became a happy daddy again.

These simplified examples are hypothetical, but they are concordant with my observation during the past few years. People like Jane and Sam are not affected by how others view them personally, because they have enough self-respect.

This self-respect comes from knowing that their existence is meaningful to others.

“woman holding ball in front of dog silhouette photography” by Wyatt Ryan on Unsplash

I, too, used to be easily affected by trivial criticisms. Whenever being misjudged, I was always inclined to argue. If I didn’t have a chance to argue or my argument failed, I would feel depressed the whole day or sometimes even longer.

Until one day I asked myself, “Is my life worth less after receiving this negative comment?” and found out the answer was “no”, it was as if I had gone through some awakening; my sensitivity to criticism suddenly declined.

This self-worth didn’t appear out of nowhere. It was there because I was aware of what I wanted most in my life — making a difference in the lives of others.

Since then, I realized another benefit of setting a purpose beyond oneself — it could save us from being dispirited while living in the world full of prejudice.

That worked out for me, it may work out for you too.

At least it’s worth a try.

Whenever feeling depressed by day-to-day criticism, try thinking of a better world you want to create;

if your dream doesn’t involve the world, try thinking of your contribution to a community you are living in;

if you can’t think of such contributions, try thinking of your family members or friends who are better off due to your support;

if none of the above is applicable, try thinking of how you can help random strangers you meet on the street.

No, I am not telling you to live a selfless life.

You definitely must love yourself, but do not stop there.

Try extending your concern to someone else, and do so as much as you can.

When you see what your life means to others, your perception of criticism may change dramatically.

Suddenly, an attack on your ego becomes a trivial matter.

Hataitip Tasena

Written by

Better societies result from each of us trying to become better every day.

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