Another day drunk

I Am Perfect
Sep 5, 2018 · 2 min read

Ok so I am concerned with my drinking. I drink every weekend. Every week. Every time I have the thought. Am I an alcoholic? Yeah no doubt. Have I accepted it? No. Fuck no.

I grew up hearing the stories. Everything from “Your grandpa is an alcoholic to””your family are alcoholics.:”

Personally I want to be a drunk. I want to be a gypsy. I dont want to have to care for anyone or anything. I want to go deploy as a soldier and kill people and fuck things up. That’s what I was born to do. I love my wife and my boy but I was born to fuck people up.

Not people. Just things.”the enemy”. I wont lie I just want to kill shit. I love my wife and my boy more than anything but I would kill the enemy in a heart beat and not think shit about it. That’s my worry. I just want to fuck shit up.

OK but back to the main point. I want to kill myself. But do I? What is stopping me? The thought that my boy will grow up without a father. And that my boy will grow up with a father who doesn’t give him all of the love that I want to give him. That is why I am not dead. Lane has given me all. He is my pride and joy. I cried tonight as his mother was away and I upset him. Like he is literally my pride and joy. I love him more than anything else in the planet. Anyways don’t let that shit get to his head.

Back to my daily life. I hate myself daily. I want to kill myself and think about it daily. But I Do these blogs and think about my son and it seems to work so far. If I ever die weather self inflicted or not please give my wife and I my funeral plans and will.

Hayden

I Am Perfect

Written by

The perfect guy in peoples eyes, but what goes on in my head? The perceived perfection comes to life in this blog, no filter. Let the healing begin.