As a volunteer I have been through many emotions over the past 6 weeks since returning from my rather average, nondescript festive holiday period which is now a distant photograph in the memory bank.
At times I have been excited for the year ahead, new opportunities for the position I agreed to take on. A chance to see youth development through the events and activities before them with smiles on their faces and laughter in the air. And to work with the amazing young ladies of my unit.
At other times wading through the emails which started back pretty promptly and just seeing the mountain of work ahead while others are out and about enjoying summer in other parts of the country.
The frustrations have boiled over for some from the year prior, the collecting of information and passing it on. Further emails, all asking if answers have progressed back down the chain. I’m sure the direction will come at some point, although not so sure there will be ears to hear it.
Today, frustrations turned to anger and boiled over to tears (because that is how I end up expressing real anger). Now I’m not perfect and I’m not claiming to be but when actions of others either through lack of planning and organisation or simple errors means that I as a volunteer, need to stop doing my paid employment to follow up on a staff member because the week if fast drawing to an end without a delivery in sight and really need to be.
Today it also got me thinking, why? Why am I doing this, why do I care so much for this organisation that right now is just taking. Taking my energy, taking the things I once enjoyed doing, and I’m sure taking my energy away from the real grass roots of why I volunteer.
As a leader of adults, I feel I’m making piece of the Jenga tower fit together while other sides of the tower has pieces falling out. Some pieces are trying to re-join or others are rebuilding their own tower or remaining in a pile with the random lone piece apart from the rest. It really isn’t that much fun playing this game by myself.
If nothing else, today’s experience has given me clearer ideas of where I want to be in life, what I want to be doing with my time which is precious and why I value it to volunteer.
We will see where I’m at 6 weeks from now.