The Dangers of #Metoo-ism
I’m not the most attractive of human beings — I don’t smile (often), I have an awkward gaze, I’m short, I talk softly, and I’m an introvert. I also have not been sexually harassed.
A Twitter search for the hashtag #metoo will bring forth many-a-story of people (mostly females) going on about how guys inappropriately engaged them. I have no doubt this is true.
However, I also don’t think that if the guys were asked, all would say that “yes, I was trying to get in her pants”. I will posit that I could be wrong and there’s a strong case to be made for erring on the side of false positives (i.e. “he touched me inappropriately” equating to “he held my hand 5 seconds too long and I was too shy to say anything”) vs false negatives (“we slept together and he had intercourse with me, but because we were in the same bed, I must have asked for it”).
No, if you were too shy to say anything because I held your hand too long, it’s your fault. Not harassment. I have Aspergers, it’s hard for me to discern non-verbal queues.
On the other hand, when Trump talks about grabbing pu$$ies and such, that is most definitely sexual assault. Or, it would be were it more than talk — and I have no doubt it is.
However, I’m certain that President Trump wouldn’t grab my pu$$y. How do I know this? Well, I don’t have one — I’m a male. Mostly what this means is that I have no place commenting on the actions of my fellow men towards women in the public sphere.
While I do recognise that the Internet is the ultimate public sphere, putting the likes of Breitbart News next to the BBC and proclaiming both as equally valid, the job of filtering what is and isn’t true falls on us. There are no gatekeepers on social media, we are our own gatekeepers. If I was after pictures of bestiality, I can find them as easily as I can find the local battered women’s shelter, for example.
Finally, to my conclusion. I won’t be recommending any path of action for anyone but myself. And, in that vein, I hopefully won’t offend anyone. Without further ado, I hereby resolve never to take an affirmative response seriously without double checking. I also resolve not to interpret “no” as “wait a few hours and try again”.
I would like people to hold me to this. I know I’m from a bargaining culture, and that it will take time for me to change, but change I must, and with your help, will. Many thanks for reading it this far.