Did Someone Say Community?

It took me forever, and now I’m going to be late for work, but here it is, finally. Thanks, miranda deely, for issuing you me this challenge, though it turned out to be much harder (and more fun) than I’d imagined. Colette Clarke Torres, I’m waiting for yours! And Mr Gutbloom, I am quivering with anticipation to read what you’ll write!!!

  • What is your favourite word? Wonder. 
    Therefore, I also wonder if I may pick more than one favourite word:
     Odious — because Patty Duke said it on The Patty Duke Show
     Resourceful — the first compliment I can remember my father giving me.
     Truthiness — because it just feels right. 
     Decisiveness (argh).
  • What is your least favorite word? Douchecanoe, also douche canoe, from which come the expressions “double douche canoe” and “a shitstorm of douchecanoes” —noun, “Not just your run of the mill douche. A total douche! This douche will kill you with his non stop douche baggery (e.g., Ryan Seacrest is a douche canoe”). Believe it or not, douche canoe is apparently a real word in circulation by more than one person. Who knew?
  • What’s the most disgusting or inappropriate thing that’s been said to you in the passion of sex? I’m bored.
  • Same question reversed? I’m bored.
  • What turns you on creatively, spiritually & emotionally? Humour, beautiful geographic and architectural spaces, music, humility. Lists.
  • What turns you on sexually? Confidence, attentiveness, creativity.
  • What turns you off? Judgmental douche canoes.
  • What turns you off sexually? Being ignored.
  • Where is the sleaziest place you have had sex? Who was it with? (Um, first off, can we please make sure the bishop isn’t reading this?) Oh what the hell — it was many, many, many years ago, probably before I was ordained. In a church belltower. With my recent ex (who worked as an administrator in an old, delapidated downtown church). An act of utter desperation. That failed (sigh).
  • What is your favorite curse word? Douchecanoe.
  • What sound or noise do you love? A deep voice humming. Also, thrumming.
  • What sound or noise do you hate? Relentless, eardrum-piercing fire bells.
  • Who, in your opinion is “sexy ugly”? Duffman, from The Simpsons. (Get a load of those guns — woof!)
  • If it was “for the sake of the art” would you have actual sex on stage? Um, no. Not unless the curtain was closed. And it was very late. And the lights were off. And more than three members of the audience had gone home already.
  • What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Executive Assistant. No — Butler. No, wait — Decider!
  • What profession would you not like to try? Why? Bishop — too many death threats.
  • If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Whatever do you mean, “If heaven exists”? Really!! Of course, heaven exists (though as a liberal Anglo-catholic, I wouldn’t dream of it in any kind of literal way). That aside, I’d like to hear God say in her divinely mellifluous voice, “Thank Myself, you’re here! We’ve been waiting all these years for you to redecorate.”
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