The babe, the son of Mary

This child is not mine.

I look at the sleeping babe, wrapped snugly, as I had wrapped each of my sisters when they were but infants. He sleeps quietly, but guilt twinges though my soul as I think of the angel’s words. The Son of the Highest. The Son of G-d.

I cannot even care for him enough to find a place for him other than the feeding trough in which he now sleeps.

Still your mind, I tell myself, and I repeat the words I have repeated to myself over and over the…

I’ve run into this phrase twice now

“Be still.”

It keeps popping up, and it’s from the verse:

“He says, ‘Be still and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.’” (Psalm 46:10, NIV)

It was in a song on the radio the other night, and before that, it was in a little discussion on the radio by Charlotte Gambill. In it, she spoke of being still to hear God and receive His blessings and help.

When I start hearing the same phrase from the Bible over and over, I’ve learned to listen. …

This week has been one of “those weeks.”

Now, I recognize that we all have different understandings of what the phrase “one of those weeks” means, so I will clarify.

“Those weeks,” for me, are the weeks when all my plans fly out the window, because God has decided that I am all wrapped up in my own business and not focused on what I should be.

And I am very good at getting wrapped up in my own business.

Meaning, I’m very good at not cutting myself any slack, not giving myself any breathing room, panicking about everything that…

God got through to me this week…which is quite a thing.

If you’ve read some of my other articles, you’re aware that I’m a Type A girl with a need for control, order, and personal perfection. None of these are, firstly, possible, or secondly, very healthy pursuits for a Christian who has supposedly given her life over to the Lord.

But God, I think, has been knocking on my door for a while

So, when the level of things at work beyond my control that were stressing me out of my mind ratcheted up these past two weeks to “over 9,000” (sorry, excuse the millennial meme reference), I was left staggering under the…

I shouldn’t have done that.

The words echo in my mind, repeating over and over, worry humming and growing with them.

What will they think of me?

I should have handled that better.

My perfectionism strikes again

I didn’t even do anything morally wrong. It’s just that whatever decision I made didn’t come off in the best light. And to this perfectionist, that is a horror of horrors.

I struggle with this most in my line of work

I’m an elementary school teacher. Forty bright minds and eyes watch me each week. A large part of their education — indeed their trajectory in life depends on what I do in the classroom each day.

…

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus…(Romans 8:1, NKJV)

I have read those words a thousand times. But, a lot of those times, it doesn’t seem to matter.

The guilt finds me, anyway.

I probably shouldn’t say “finds”

Honestly, a lot of the time, I should use a stronger word. I have been emotionally paralyzed more times than I can count.

The guilt eats at me.

The guilt destroys me.

All while I know Christ died for my sins. All while I know He forgives me in my repentance.

Why do I do this to myself?

My first problem is, I’m a perfectionist

Perfectionism is a…

Nudge.

Nudge, nudge.

It’s back.

I shake my head and decide to ignore it.

And deep inside me, a tiny portion of my conscience twists, painfully.

The same excuses echo through my mind. It’s fine. You’re imagining things. You’re not hurting anyone.

Except, it’s not fine and I’m not imagining things. And I am hurting someone: Myself.

Christian creatives

I think all Christian creatives come to a point where they have to face the question of whether or not they are using their God-given creativity to honor the One who gave it to them, or if they’re using it purely for their…

Uncovering the story inside the Biblical narrative

The Bible is not written as a novel. Most narratives in the Bible go over the events needed to comprehend the message or information in bare-bones, rapid-fire succession. No fluff involved, no discussion of motives, internal conflict, or thought processes. The Joseph account in Genesis is unique in that it is one of the longest continuous narratives in the Bible, but even it gives very little in the way of discussing these storytelling necessities.

As I mentioned in my first post, it was important to me not to deviate from any point recorded…