Thank you for sharing this raw, real and very vulnerable side of you. I find that more refreshing and honest than any unicorn success story.
The more I observe the current start up culture, the more it reminds me of the Gold Rush in the late 1800’s. Untold thousands risked everything for a chance to “strike it rich” with only a handful actually doing so. And, perhaps a few more making their fortune catering to all those who were in the trenches (e.g. Levi Straus).
Then there are those who “made it” to some degree or other only to discover that it did not fill that empty place in their Heart that was calling out to them. A sense of purpose and service that could never be fully satisfied with a successful IPO or large buyout.
Granted, those things certainly do help to take care of the need to live comfortably and securely, but rarely do nothing for one’s soul — UNLESS the very nature of their business was in service of what their Heart was calling out for.
Following your Heart with everything you’ve got will not guarantee success or even an adequate living. But I do believe it is the secret to living fully regardless of circumstances.
I feel for you Brother — I have started many small companies in the last 40 years and have never been satisfied no matter what I did or how much money I made. Now I am living my Heart’s calling even though I have serious concerns and doubts as to whether I can survive this pursuit. Yet I wouldn’t trade this time of my life for any other or for anyone else’s. That’s not a glib cliche’ given that I currently have two active cancers and gave away much of my wealth (to an ex-wife — but that’s another story).
I live in a sea of uncertainty that often has me waking up in the middle of the night in a veritable pool of sweat. Yet, I cannot see myself at this time doing anything else.
Listen to your Heart Brother. This “setback” may very well be the opening (and push) you needed to find your true calling and opportunities that you didn’t even know were on your radar.
Just don’t expect it to be easy…