“Oops, Try Again”
Mr. Miyagi knew that Daniel needed to learn his foundations before he could ever win in a tournament. There were no short cuts. Wax on, wax off. I kind of have this same approach as my version of conscious parenting. I have created small practices in our everyday life that will be foundational to my sons ability to win at life.
For example, whenever D makes a mistake, or can’t achieve something right away- I say; “Oops, try again” and playfully laugh and encourage him. I make it a point to choose joy and not to express disappointment, shame him, or even model frustration. If that’s what he experiences- it’s fine- but I ONLY bring the being of playfulness. I want him to have it ingrained that we don’t win on the first try every time. I want to create failures as normal, and the response to be to try again- be unstoppable. I want to model that the joy is in practicing- and not JUST in winning.
My goal is for him to be persistent, and resilient. I am doing this because I know that when we make real unwavering commitments in life — these ways of being are crucial to long term success; in relationships, in our passions, and in our growth.
I have shared this way of viewing things with my coaching clients too. Often having tried something new, or failed at something- they may show up defeated or unwilling to persist in the face of failure. I tell them “oops, try again” — if my 5 year old can do it- so can you. It doesn’t make it easier to accomplish things, but it makes it easier to be willing to be unstoppable.
Most recently, I started telling D every night “you had a great day today buddy”; as we hug and kiss goodnight. Truthfully, yesterday was a rough one. We were both overstimulated, tired and cranky after several days of traveling and amusement parks. We crashed on the couch and watched TV- for longer than I care to admit. All in all, not one for the books. I still hugged him- gave him his 10 kisses- and then looked him in the eye and told him- you had a GREAT day today. My intention is that he go to bed grateful every night, regardless of how the day played out. I want him to go to sleep knowing I am proud of him, and feeling loved, seen and valued.
They say couples should never go to sleep mad- what about with our kids? We must not put our children to bed with negativity — even if they were extra difficult that day. Vibrationally speaking — when you can have an attitude of gratitude- even for the difficult times- then you will have more to be grateful for. So it’s truly important to me to model and create this habit now- when he is five- so he has a strong foundation. It’s also important for him to fall asleep feeling loved no matter how he acted. He can do some unloveable things- but he is loved and treasured none the less. Wax on, Wax off.
What are some of the foundational healthy habits you are creating with your little ones?