The ABC’s of the Trump Administration

Alternative Truth — When someone lives in their own world and other people decide to join them, they create what is known as “alternative truth.”

Build a Wall — The administration’s very sophisticated foreign policy plan.

Carnage — After an inauguration speech that was a mix of Batman villain and vintage Nazi, carnage was the most googled word.

Donald or Deplorable — The President likes to refer to himself in third person/hear his own name so I expect we will hear his name a lot, but I think this election made clear that people really like being deplorable so that word isn’t going anywhere either.

Eric — Our Vampire in Chief. Still not sure what his role is.

Fear — Classic Republican control tactic and the heart of the administration’s foreign and domestic policy strategy.

Great — What everything is, all the time.

Hypocrisy — The contrivance of a false appearance of virtue or goodness, while concealing real character or inclinations, especially with respect to religious and moral beliefs; hence in general sense, dissimulation, pretense, sham. (This is the real definition of hypocrisy; needed to get that in here.)

Ivanka — The Unofficial First Lady of America, a title I think should go to Dolly Parton. I was going to give the i to irony but I don’t think the administration can see irony.

Jared — The Kush. Prince Ivanka. Heard his father in law’s racist rants at Thanksgiving and thought, “That man should be President!” Unclear about his role, but think it is closest to “The Hand” in Game of Thrones or consigliere to a crime boss.

 KKK — Terrorist organization many thought disbanded, one of the few national organizations to openly endorse the President.

Lies — See “Alternative Truth.”

MAGA — Make America Great Again. What the administration promises it will do. Their strategy for doing this so far is “America First,” which was the popular battlecry of American Nazis pre-World War II.

Obamacare — The name Republicans gave the Affordable Care Act so their constituents would hate it. Republicans want to dismantle the ACA so badly they were willing to support a racist demagogue with fascist tendencies to take a crack at it.

Paul Ryan — Has been waging a decade long war against the elderly and poor he finally seems close to winning. Currently can’t seem to remove his hand from the President’s asshole.

Questions — As in, NO QUESTIONS, the administration’s very sophisticated tactic for dealing with the press.

Reince — I still don’t know how to pronounce Reince, but he and Barron win the award for names most likely to be found in a knock off monarchy.

Sean Spicer — The world’s angriest press secretary, charged with conveying the administrations “alternative truths” to the media.

Trump — In a true ode to Americana, the Trump name and fortune was built on the backs of hookers. Grandfather Trump, who Americanized Drumpf to Trump, made his fortune owning and operating brothels in the Wild West.

United Nations or UN — A global peace organization America helped found after World War II that the administration is currently trying to get out of.

Vladimir — He goes under V and not P because you know he and the administration are on a first name basis.

Women’s Health — Best left to the men to decide.

Xenophobia — Fear of people from other places, part of the administration’s very level headed foreign policy approach. See “Build a Wall.”

Yuuuuuge — The size of everything associated with the administration, especially Trump’s hands/brain.

Zenophobia — How Betsy DeVos spells it.