The best way is to ask yourself if this is really something you can control or if it’s just part and parcel of the way life is going to work. Specifically, in the case of one partner getting more ‘attention’, it might also be worth recontextualising your understanding of what ‘attention’ means. Getting more attention may not actually result in anything significant or fruitful and even if you received over 100 messages on dating sites every day, that doesn’t mean any of those are actually from anyone you’re interested in — and some of them might be quite disgusting or rude.
Useless Polyam Advice: Jealousy vs. Fear
Lola Phoenix
597

A therapist framed this similarly to me once. I struggle with a being a fat trans/nb person existing in a world where the frame of desirability and sexual capital is narrower than where I am. My spouse has more sexual/social capital and gets more attention where my dating and relationship prospects are significantly lower. The therapist highlighted what the quality of relationship prospects were available versus the quantity. Do I want to relationship with a douche bag or someone who is going to body shame me or any other such nonsense? And folks with more social/sexual capital have the same considerations when it comes to dating/sex/relationships with others.

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