Writing without my glasses on

Alan Waller
Sep 6, 2018 · 2 min read

Let’s try writing without my glasses on. My glasses really bother me, and it’s not because it’s the wrong prescription. It’s more of a psychological thing: glasses seem to bother me psychologically, I have no idea why. I have tried lenses and I don’t like that either. I think it might have something to do with the fact that my prescription isn’t that bad. It’s good enough that I can type without them, and read books without them. So I suppose there is a constant limbo-frustration, where I’ms tuck between two world: I don’t really need glasses, and I can’t really live without them.

Another reason my glasses bother me psychologically is because I project too much importance to them. I also have like a case of insomnia but with my eyes: in the same way that insomniacs can’t sleep the second they lie in bed, but do feel sleepy in other occasions, I seem to have fetishised my glasses to the point where I feel very uncomfortable in them. it’s almost as if my glasses have become a bad habit — I use them to see more than I should see. I’m a metaphysical peeping tom. I’m a perfectionist: if I could see the sky in hi-def, I would, but I would never be satisfied. I would always want more hi-def, more more more. That’s the problem I have with glasses: I see clearer with them than with my eyes, but I still want things to be clearer. I know this must sound as if my prescription is wrong, but I assure you it isn’t, according to my eye doctors and glasses-makers. I’m simply too greedy. I want more perfection. If I could see into the horizon, I would still want to see into outer space. It’s an unhealthy hunger, the reason why I try not to drink alcohol or indulge in sugary foods and stuff like that: I freak out, I go overboard, I want more more more.

So, if i take my glasses off and go for a walk, for example. Do I need to see the trees clearly? Do I need to? or do I need to see other people on the street, and cars, to avoid accidents? Yes, but not the little chinks in the metal, and the specks on people’s faces. My natural vision allows me all that. So why the temptation to see it ALL, and to see it MORE? I think there is a spiritual desire here, an inner desire, hidden in sublimated form in material acts (the main topic running through these posts it seems). I feel like i want to “see” in a spiritual sense, but I project that desire onto my physical eyes and strain them beyond belief. I hope I attain it, whatever it is. We shall see! Alan vs. glasses, let the match begin (and now it ends. Good bye!)

Alan Waller

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