Plateau
I can only describe this summer as me hitting a plateau, and, even worse, some disenchantment with teaching and education.
Suddenly Twitter is filled with teachers who are doing amazing things I am not. I don’t have anything to offer of substance, so recycle old ideas or retweet those who have good ideas.
Many a time I would scroll through, feeling sick with myself, and then question if I was good enough for the rest of the day.
I am not sure why this summer. Maybe because I didn’t take a course. I failed at reading any of the educational books I so desperately wanted to read. Maybe the list was too long, and I just gave up.
Was it switching roles? I don’t know. I know that I feel like I hit a wall. This is it. It isn’t going to get better than this.
I truly love teaching. I truly love being in that moment with students. Building relationships and making jokes. Trying to figure out what that one shift can do for that one student to make them fully understand a concept. To feel cofident; to take risks. But there is always something else those kids needed that I couldn’t fit in. Was it those days I was just too tired? Instead of circling back to that student and ask that one question I didn’t, and never got around to it again? Did I give enough feedback?
But I am only scratching the surface. Every end of year I question what I did wrong, and what I could have done better. This usually amps be up to read, to share, to talk.
This summer, I don’t know. I just felt unconfident. I am still not sure where to head next to push myself to learn and grow. I am heading into a new role which I am really excited about, but know that I will be learning and feeling very head above water at first. Will my passion for teaching mathematics and teaching in general still flourish?
I also want to add I am sharing this so I can force myself through this plateau. I’ve sat here all summer; time to consider how to move past it. Or maybe I just need to sit in for a little while more. Sit beside this uncomfortableness.
I keep looking and looking for something to re-light my fire. Suggestions?
